Masking my issues to protect others: Can you hold space for a worry of mine?
I have noticed in the past few months that I have tendency to take into consideration the potential feeling of my friends, family and husband to tell or not tell something. If I sense/fill in the moment is right, I will share my worries. If I sense/fill in that the moment is not adequate (filling in that there is no space for that person), I will mask or pretend I am fine and adjust the story to remove my issues from the equation.
I am aware i am removing my people around of a chance to support me. At times this made me feel frustrated and alone. I would like to break this habit of “filling in” whether someone has the space. The question: Can you hold space for a worry of mine? feels like I am forcing this person to listen and doesn’t feel appropriate. I havent found an alternative. The reason why I don’t think this question is appropriate is because if someone would ask me this question, I would always say yes, no matter how much space I actually have. Therefore I am projecting my potential answer to others.
But I am trying to hold space for myself and allow other to hold space for me. I just don’t know how yet. I would be grateful a reflection/question to get me to a new questioning and reasoning.
Answer:
What a wonderful thing to learn, and I want to point out one very important thing that you said here: I don’t know how YET. If you already knew how it would feel different. If you met yourself where you are on this journey – the uncomfortable part of learning something new and being willing to let your internal narratives about what others might do be wrong – what could become a possibility?
Try a creating a few new thoughts that start like this:
Start Here
Call Schedule
Recent Call Replays
Ask A Coach
Pep Talks
BIPOC Members
Bonuses
VIP Monthly Calls
Cycle Toolkit
