Massive action to go on early maternity leave

Hi there flow coaches!!

I am a 36 year lady who works as a self employed gardener along side my husband. We have our own business.

I am currently 23 weeks pregnant and I am struggling with the physical nature of the job on straining and energy, working in the heat and a period of hay fever I get for a short period around this time.

My husband has asked me to quit working and put my feet up until the birth, as our job is very labour intensive with a lot of heavy lifting and smashing about. I do worry about some of the things I get up to at work and the risk to my baby. I am also so physically tired… but on the other hand I feel very uncomfortable with the thought of quitting.

I do really want put my feet up.. but I’m worried that I’ll be letting all women down by doing so. I constantly hear of ladies working throughout their pregnancy till the end and I feel very guilty with the thought of not doing so. I also feel guilty about leaving my husband doing all the work, especially as he is going through a hard time at the moment, as his father is dying. I feel he needs the support.

I am also worried that I will get really bored at home and miss the social interaction of work and the feeling of contributing to something.

There is also the lack of income that concerns me.

However, all in all, I would like to stop working for the sake of my health and health of my baby. To rest and put my all into the role of preparing to be a mother for the first time.

I just don’t know if I’m allowed to…. Will I be judged? Am I being lazy? Am I irresponsible? Am I weak? These are the thoughts that arise.

Any help on squashing this guilt and the feeling of being lazy and not good enough without work, would be greatly appreciated!!!

Many thanks and best wishes xxxxxx

 

Answer:

Let’s start by taking everybody else out of your model. If you thought that whatever choice you made, everybody would agree, what would you do? Why would you do that?

If you look at what you wrote, here are the thoughts that are about you and nobody else:
* I am struggling with the physical nature of the job
* I worry about…the risk to the baby
* I am physically tired
* I am uncomfortable with the thought of quitting.
* I do want to put my feet up
* I am also worried that I will get really bored at home
* [I will miss] miss the social interaction of work
* [I will miss] the feeling of contributing to something.
* the lack of income that concerns me
* I would like to stop working for the sake of my health and health of my baby
* [I would like to] to rest and put my all into the role of preparing to be a mother for the first time

When you see these thoughts together, what do you think? Which ones feel true? Which ones are questionable? Which are most compelling reasons to you?

Probably the most important question is how do your reasons make you feel? The feeling is often the key to what is ‘right’ for us.

Lastly, as you think about deciding what you want to do, notice how you are giving yourself two options: work the way you are now, or not at all. Are there any other options?