Medication

I’ve been taking medication for the past 6 months due to recurrent miscarriage and possible auto-immune response. At the time of starting this medication I told myself that I would give it 6 months as I did not want to be on the medication long term, due to potential side effects, costs. So I’m now on my 6th cycle, and a few weeks ago I decided that I was going to stop the medication once I had completed this cycle and was feeling really good about the decision. However I am now at the end of the cycle and starting to question my decision. I’m not sure the model I’m in so completed a thought download and this is what came up

– Earlier in the cycle I felt that 6 months was long enough, I was tired (some of the medication is a steroid and affects my sleep) and wanted a break for my body
– I was also starting to question whether I wanted a child and had this real desire to focus on something else, starting a new career, just looking forward to something else for a change
– Thoughts around not making ‘progress’, going through the same processes each cycle without ‘success’
– Feel like once I stop the medication, if I want to restart then the clinic will want to restart all the blood tests again and other medications that I took at the start of this process.
– Am I making the medication mean something about me ?? Do I want there to be a sense of ease about this (but maybe it won’t come easily, maybe I do need help ?!)
– Will I regret this decision if I don’t have children

To be honest I think I have always been reluctant to take the medication but I can’t seem to find the thought behind this. It feels like something that I ‘don’t need the medication’, ‘I’m better without the medication’ maybe even ‘this medication is unsafe for me’, although I wonder if there is some oppositional resistance and now that I’ve made my decision and everyone has accepted my decision to stop taking the medication, rather than telling me I should take it – I’m now thinking ‘its not too bad – maybe I should keep going’

Any help on where to start my model would be really appreciated.

Answer:

We’re so sorry for your losses. Be gentle with yourself as you explore this. How do you think your grief is affecting your ability to make decisions right now? How can you support yourself in this chapter of your life?

I notice that your brain thinks this six month milestone without a healthy pregnancy is a big problem. It thinks having questions or changing your mind is a big problem. It thinks that what has happened in the past dictates your future. What if that’s not true? How can this moment be an opportunity to evaluate what you want now?

What would be the most loving goal you could have for yourself? Start your intentional model there.  We’re here to support each step of the way. Bring back any questions of models that you find.