Model-Building from A-line: Learning to communicate my thoughts and feelings

Dear coaches,
I want to learn to directly communicate things to my boyfriend when they are going on for me. I often start having insecure thoughts about us and it often gets us into weird dynamics. He wishes for me to do so and I really want to learn. Currently I am still often pushing things down for a few days until they kind of “erupt” or even if I notice something is going on, I am not able to verbalize it – and definitly not to him. I have a sense that there is a felt lack of safety for me, which is only my reality (but thats what counts here). In the past it always has been objectively safe to tell him my thougths and feelings – but I feel vulnerable and insecure. I find myself unable to approach him, if he doesn’t first makes an active effort to connect with me and asks me something like “i notice something is going on for you, would you like to tell me about it”.
I have started a model where I put the desired action into the A line, but I am stuck with it – I have some ideas for feelings that could work, but i cannot find a fitting thought for either of them. Here are my efforts (i am breaking some rules and put more feelings than one in the F line. I would love it if I ended up with 4 different models. )
C: Something in my head about my relationship.
T: ??
F: connected ? safe ? grounded ? curious ?
S: regulated nervous system
A: I directly approach my bf: “Hey, can we talk a minute? For me xyz is going on, I think blabla and I would want dadada”
R: (depends on chosen feeling)

Thanks for any help, suggestions and comments.

 

 

Answer:

Let’s put you directly approaching your bf in your R line instead and see how that feels.  Can you think of a specific circumstance? it could be something small or something that has been bothering you for a while.

C: specific thing with bf

T: ?

F: ?

S:?

A: how can you prepare yourself to bring it up?

R: I communicate directly with bf

You’re right on to be mindful of your nervous system and safety. Why do you think it feels scary to talk to him? Is there anywhere else in your life where you have a hard time communicating directly? What patterns do you notice?