Mother

C: me

T: I’m turning into my mother

F: Panic

A:Can’t breathe, ruminant over all my mistakes, time that has passed, stress about the future, what I can’t change, stuck, spiral, overwhelm

R: Turn into my mother

I don’t feel like I do spend a lot of energy focused on her. I don’t feel I blame her. I have more of a feeling of sadness and wish her life were different and how it has played out was different as she had so much potential that wasn’t fulfilled. But what this has revealed is part of my fear is her insecurities/self doubt/fears/perfectionism led to her not moving things forward in her life and I’m getting stuck in that spiral and need to find a way out.

 

Answer:

“She has so much potential that wasn’t fulfilled” is what is causing you pain. And it’s not true. It can’t be true. Your mother was always going to be exactly where she is today. That is reality. Your judgement of her being less than she could have been is resisting reality. Your belief that anyone can possibly not fulfill their potential is leading you to fear that the same thing is “happening to” you.

It seems like a nice thought, to believe in one’s potential, but you need to check in and see what results you are getting. In this case, your result is keeping you stuck and spiralling. What if you dropped the belief that it’s possible to not fulfill your potential?

Your mother is exactly who she’s supposed to be. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Now what?