Mother in law visit

Hi there

I would love to work through how I can manage my thoughts around my mother in laws visits to us. Her visits are a great source of stress for me in the run up to them and in the weeks after them.

My husband and his mother have a very different relationship to that with my own family. It feels very cold and tense and I very much pick up on it and can feel it during her stay.

But where I struggle most is her tendency to voice her opinions on literally anything, and for me to absorb it and take it to heart. I am aware that my tendency to give weight to other people’s opinions is not just confined to my mother in law, but it feels much more raw and harder to shake off than if was from a stranger.

She is a good person, and I understand that we are very different people. We have a different way of doing things around the house, and whilst I am grateful that she helps, I start resenting it because she does it differently to me or moves things and I’ve started becoming uncharacteristically annoyed about things that I wouldn’t have in the past.

I feel like it’s something to do with my thoughts on her controlling my space, my life and possibly my parenting of my son?

Her next visit will be in a couple of months and I would love to prepare myself with some tools that will help me manage the stress throughout it.

Thank you

 

 

Answer:

You’re already off to a good start being willing to look at your own thoughts and reactions to this other human in your life. It can be most helpful to choose a specific situation to do a thought download and some models on. Being specific helps us find the root thoughts that are creating our experience. Think about the last time she visited or the last time you talked to her. Choose a very specific circumstance, write it down, and start exploring.

Also check in with your nervous system. It sounds like you have gotten into the habit of feeling like you need to brace yourself for her visits. What do you notice happening in your body? Why does this person feel dangerous to you? How can you support your nervous system before, during and after visits?

With a few months to work on this, you’ll be able to start creating the experience you want. Keep coming back with models and questions so we can continue supporting you.