Moving Across The World and Feeling Anxious

My husband has finally gotten his green card, and we are moving to the U.S. but we will not be moving into our own space for another two months. We are currently living at a friend’s place for this week, then we are spending three weeks in the U.K. with his family, and then spending a month or two my parents before going to Colorado, where we will live. The friend we are with just had a blow-up at us about us not meeting her uncommunicated expectations. Even though we resolved this and realized a lot of her actions were because of her own emotions, I have been really triggered to feel anxious about being in other people’s spaces for so long.

This is a model I’ve created about it:

C: Moving across the world
T: I won’t have my own space for two months
F: Anxious
A: Chest tightens. Cry as a release. Feel helpless. Become detached and zone out. Spiral through negative thoughts and feelings.
R: I work myself up, and feel even more anxious.

I think what I feel most anxious about is that there are so many unknowns and it takes so much emotional energy for me to deal with these situations. Even when you think everyone is good and that you have a mutual agreement, it has happened that other people then change their mind or get worked up about things anyway. Normally, I can calm my nervous system by realizing that I will be going home soon, so it is okay. But, the fact that I don’t have a home right now is creating so much instability and anxiety, and I am finding it incredibly difficult to cope. I want to feel at home with myself, and know that it is okay, but some moments just seem too overwhelming. How can I find stability and create a calm mind in this transition?

 

 

Answer:

Of course you feel overwhelmed and that’s ok. Your model is well done, I would offer that your result is that you are focusing on a very big chunk of time with a lot of unknowns and you aren’t making space for you in all of this. You’re worried that everything outside of you will dictate what the next few months looks like. What if you decided on purpose that coping could look different than what you believe it to be. How does your brain tell you you should be handling this transition time? What is the reality now? What do you want it to be if you allowed it to be a bit messy?