Moving into partners property

My partner has a property outside of my hometown but due to the location of my work we had both resided in my property now that we have a baby and I’m willing to leave my current job the obvious solution to help with finances would be to move into his property.

A thought/ feeling I have been trying to push away is that I would feel I have less of a say / independence in the relationship if I were to move in with him. I recall initially I didn’t want to move in because my partner had a strong reaction to me saying I wanted change the colour of the walls and he responded that I could make those decisions when I have my own property…which I proceeded to buy my own and do precisely that. However, that comment left me feeling that living in his property would mean he would always have his way.

I know I have often struggled to articulate what I want and people pleasing behaviours means I’ll tend to let someone else get what they want.

Actions: I have not lately stated changes I’d want made to his property that would make me feel more at home. I get very frustrated when he makes changes to my property – and he has made many – and I get frustrated that I haven’t made the place I live in feel homely. My lack of action may stem from viewing it as a temporary place and that leaves me feeling unsure of what the future holds.

 

 

Answer:

 

What do you want most for yourself in the situation where you are considering whether to move into his property or not? This is your intentional model’s R line. What do you have to do to create the opportunity to make this R line a reality? What wouldn’t you do? How would you have to feel to act in these ways? What thought creates that feeling for you?

Moving in comes with learning curves – learning to set and respect boundaries, learning how to communicate differently, learning how to love through difficult or uncomfortable conversations, and more. Is this an opportunity to build connection and understanding where before there was a disconnect? In what ways?

Come back with your model and what comes up for you as you answer these questions.