My colleagues’ thoughts about me

Hello, I would love some help with regard to a model I created. It’s about two colleagues I work with and the thoughts they might have about me. I find it quite challenging and triggering to work with these two persons. I often have the feeling that they only want to profit from me, that they want to create dramas, that they are on one side and I’m on the other side. The last two days were really difficult because a lot of e-mails were sent that weren’t always very nice. I was wondering what to put in the C line. A have made more general models with regard to them where I put “collaborating with x and y” in my C line, but this time I want to create a specific model about thoughts they might have about me because this triggers feelings in me and leads to certain actions / reactions.

Unintentional model
C: my colleagues have thoughts about me
T: these thoughts will be negative / mean and will be expressed to others
F: anxious
F: angry
F: tensed
A: I people-please / sabotage myself in order to try to control their thoughts
A: I don’t set boundaries
A: I constantly worry
A: I’m suspicious
A: I withdraw from them
A: I interpret everything in a negative way
A: I over-explain
R: resentment
R: stress
R: burn-out

Intentional model
C: my colleagues have thoughts about me
T: I can only control my thoughts and reactions (= I know that I show up in a sincere way and help others)
F: calm
A: I focus on my tasks
A: I communicate (my boundaries / wishes) in a clear and loving way
R: inner peace for myself
R: giving them the opportunity to behave in a similar way

 

 

Answer:

You’re right on with wanting to get your C line more clean. What you have is good on paper but it feels like you do have judgements of their thoughts, and it shows up in your T line.If we’re honest, what you have in there is C: my coworkers have negative thoughts about me or C: my coworkers are mean to me. Those are not facts.

In your intentional model it feels like you’re trying to put a “good” thought on a bad circumstance, and that never works. Can you pick out something they said in the emails specifically that you had an emotional reaction to? Try that in your C line and brainstorm many thoughts you could have about them.

You’ve decided: Their emails aren’t nice,  they like to create drama, they are on one side and you are on the other. It’s like you’re wearing a pair of glasses that can only see your coworkers this way. What would you call these lenses? Be aware of that as you search for a truly neutral Circumstance to work from. This will be a powerful exercise on it’s own, to give your brain the job of taking a step back and separating what they do from what you are making it mean. In the end, you are the one suffering when you continue to believe the thoughts your brain is offering you. A good question to ask is Do you want to let go of the drama?