my health coaching client who is also my friend is having a hard time with communicating his needs to his family

Hello dear coach,

I started working as a health coach after the health challenges I personally went through and 2 of my first clients are good friends of mine. I’m having a harder time with one them (F). F is a growth focused person, but has a hard time communicating his needs, and desires to others. What I think is happening actually is he does not deserves it.

One concrete example is we are doing an elimination diet with him at the moment (no sugar, gluten, or dairy for a month and a half). I think he was not ready when we first started, I should have informed him more on why we’re doing it and more practical tips. I realized it and gave him more information on the why recently. I arranged for him a cook in the city he was in for >1 month so eating heal; thy was easier and also he was around like-minded people who supported his new way of eating etc. He is going back to London for a week for some family engagements

He also is still attached to his old way of eating and socializing around food. He somehow sees that it is not creating good results for him but still struggling.

I apply the model to my coaching around mindset on eating good and living healthy and we did this model together:
the unintentional model
C: there is a dinner with the family that will involve food you cannot have
T: there is no way i can find smt good to eat, if i ask for modifications I’m creating an issue for the organizators
F: stressed, nervous
A: eating whatever is there in the buffet
R: eat something bad,

the intentional model
C: there is a dinner with the family that will involve food you cannot have
T:
F:
A: asking the organizations/ his mom for a simple meal that he can eat
R: you eat food that is good for you and appropriate for your diet

but he kept saying that he rather does not eat at this family gathering than ask for making some arrangements for his meal. I came up with solutions on how he can keep up the diet and/or ask for modifications from the organization/ family/ friends but he thinks that he is creating a problem for the people who might invite him to their homes, etc. and this lifestyle is not sustainable. It’s a clear self-worth issue and I have hard time showing him the other way.

What suggestions do you have for me on coaching him because I feel a bit limited at this point?

Thanks a lot for the wisdom and have a lovely day 🙂

Answer:

Your job is not to help him see another way. Your job is to help him see himself more clearly. Maisie has said “Not self-improvement, self-acceptance.” Your job is to meet him where he is and hold space for him right there – this alone can be so powerful. So this feels hard right now. Why? How is this a perfect place for your client to be?
In moments like these, it’s important to have clarity about why this feels hard for you right now as well. You have to deal with your own thoughts to be able to meet him where he is. You’ve listed several Ts that you have about this person and what they’re struggling with in this submission. Are there others that you need to acknowledge and process (it’s totally okay if you do, you’re human too!)? Do a thought download before your next session with him, notice what comes up and how this exercise impacts your coaching.