Navigating Intertwined Thought-Models

C: A friend made a comment recently that my description of my constant periods of highs (social, energetic, adventurous and optimistic) followed by lows (introverted, seeking solitude, skeptical of external experiences and others) could resemble mood swings stemming from bi-polar disorder.

(Unintentional) T: Does this mean that voice in my head has been right all along, that there is something wrong with me?
(Unintentional) T: Does this mean I won’t be able to achieve my goals?

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As I work through this model, I’m having dozens of alternative thought models pop up and take me to different directions. I did a big thought download and realized that its not his comment that is significant, but what I’m making it mean about me. More importantly, when I fear that I won’t be able to “achieve my goals”, what I really mean is will this be an impediment to designing the life I want, specifically regarding my career and (future) romantic relationships.

This led me to recognize that the reason I have fear around these two categories and not other areas of my life is because these are the two where I’ve tied my self-worth to. In other areas (friendship, physical fitness, passion for music) my value feels set and so if in a hypothetical world I was diagnosed with a mental illness, I don’t think I would be prevented from evolving further.

Question: A bit overwhelmed with all of these different thoughts and ideas and emotions popping up and not sure what I should do next. Should I focus on unpacking why I have associated my self worth and value to my career and romantic relationships? Should I finish the initial model to identify what “intentional” model I would like to arrive at?

Answer:

Noticing that it’s not the comment itself, but what you make it mean about you that is significant is major. If you haven’t already, please honor your self awareness and the growth you’ve undergone to be able to have it. Something that the model often invites is a tendency to want to get to work so we can fix or get rid of the icky feelings we experience, but that’s not the purpose of the model. I can’t tell you what is the next best step for you because regardless of what anyone advises, the choice is ultimately yours to make. This being said, I do think it’s important to take your next step from a place of feeling willing or ready instead of a place of wanting to escape the feelings you currently have. What if your first step is processing the feelings that have come up and allowing them to breathe before you make a decision about what to work on? What would that look like and what, if any, resistance do you feel to that suggestion? Come back to us with what comes up for you with a post titled, “Intertwined Thought Models pt. 2” when you’re ready.