Navigating the Pain of Conditional Support – Part 2

Hi Coaches,

I’ve decided that I don’t want my mother to babysit for the July concerts. That decision feels really clear now. I realize that relying on her always reinforces the painful belief that I’m unsupported—because even when she “shows up,” it comes with guilt and emotional manipulation.

Instead, I want to use this as an opportunity to break that cycle and consciously build the belief that I am supported.

I’ve done a model around this and would love your help clarifying the gap between my unintentional and intentional thinking.

Unintentional Model:
C: I’ve bought tickets for three concerts in July and one in August. I have no childcare solution yet.
T: I don’t have the support to make this work.
F: Helpless, anxious, uncertain.
A: I ruminate on the thought that I’m unsupported, hesitate to ask people for help, avoid making direct requests, instead ask my mother first and let her commit, despite knowing she has commitment issues, worry that she might retract her support or blame me for “using her”, imagine worst-case outcomes, and keep circling in indecision.
R: I keeping the belief that I’m unsupported alive.

Intentional Model (this is the experience I want to create):
C: Same.
T: I’m building my support system one ask at a time
F: Grounded, open, willing.
A: I make a list of people I could ask, trust my decisions about who to approach, stay present with the discomfort of asking, trust others to set their own boundaries, and stay emotionally clean about the responses I receive—whether yes or no.
R: I build a real support system and experience the result that I am supported.

Also, any advice on how to navigate the uncertainty as I’m still in this waiting period before reaching out to people would be appreciated.

Answer:

Celebrating you making this powerful decision for yourself. How does it feel? What has come up since you’ve made the decision? Keep using those emotions of grounded, open and willing to guide you as you move forward. Why does it make perfect sense that you would feel uncertainty? What if that’s not a problem at all? Your models look good. Be sure to pick one emotion per model.

As you move forward, choose smaller, more specific goals to get you started. Your brain will bring up obstacles. For each obstacle, think of a strategy to overcome it. What is the first step you want to take to finding childcare?