Needing permission for nourishment

I’ve been thinking about what nourishment I need to thrive. I often have feelings that I am not nourishing myself but I don’t act on them because I feel that I need permission.

I have been brought up by narcissistic mother, and my needs/wants/enjoyment were rarely acknowledged so I can easily see why the thoughts are there. My logic tells me I can do what I want, and that I am important but there’s always a ‘yes, but…’ aspect to my thoughts, or I ignore my feelings altogether and don’t nourish myself.

If I do something nourishing, I usually ask permission to do it (from my wife), and then limit the time I spend doing it, I feel anxious during, and usually end up trying to do everything ‘nourishing’ at once (e.g. go for a walk and listen to a podcast that I feel will ‘improve’ me at the same time, all whilst trying to do it in as short a time as possible).

I know I don’t need permission, but I’m having trouble believing it!

Unintentional model

C I need nourishment
T My needs aren’t important
F Not feeling good enough, or deserving enough
A Wait for someone to notice that I need some nourishment and step in to give me permission
R I usually don’t nourish myself

Intentional model – this is where I’m struggling. I feel that it’s easy enough to write down, like, I can write the model and get the right answer, but I can’t actually believe the thought for myself!

C I need nourishment
T I am important
F Confidence
A Do nourishing things for myself
R I feel nourished.

 

Answer:

There is always going to be a space between what we are thinking now in our unintentional model and where we want to be. That space is where the growth happens and that space can be very uncomfortable! If it was easy, we wouldn’t have to work at it. You are literally rewiring your brain and we know the brain would much rather keep it’s well worn paths in place than change.

What are some ladder thoughts you could have that would help you take just one baby step towards believing you are important? Leave your mother and your childhood out of it. Stay present. What do you believe about bringing nourishment into your life?

See what comes up as you explore this. Be curious and open.