Negative thoughts about body 2

Thanks for the coaching. The comment that this was done TO me has hit a nerve and I have been able to feel some pain and hurt for my past and current self and feeling the suffering it has caused. I also realised that it is a topic I really would like to avoid and I have been hiding and functioning around it for such a long time. Even replying to the questions and doing some work on it required more push as with other topics. there is a lot of resistance to acknowledging that there is something here.. It seems easier to continue with it than doing the work.

I realised I am very familiar with the reasons below. However, I have not identified that this was something that was DONE to me. Rather than the below feels like rational reality , like “it was just like that”:

Where do you think this deeply rooted thought pattern comes from?

– My parents , especially my mother has her whole life put a lot of emphasis on weight and how someone looks
– My brother was a little overweight and his eating was commented regularly growing up
– Weight was often talked about with my mother doing different diets throughout her llife and struggling with her body image and weight
– Still until today weight and looks are commented “oh you are thin”. “Oh this person gained weight…”. “On holiday your father gained weight”
– This was never connected to “health” or enjoyment but just with appearance. And thin and loosing weight was attributed with something positive
– As a child my sport was swimming but I always felt uncomfortable in my body and compared myself to other bodies and I also felt uncomfortable about my female shape for a long time, wearing wide clothes
– Society at the time was brutal, stars were only commented on by their body and size and normal size women were heavily commented as being “fat”. With this being something negative like they had given up or were not desirable or attractive

Try putting your thought in the Circumstance line and see what comes up:

C: I am fat and ugly
T: I am worth less than others
F: sadness
S: heaviness
A: wearing large clothes
R: supporting the narrative that I im worth less than others and therefore have to hide

C: I am fat and ugly
T: I am not desirable
F: sadness
S: sinking
A: feeling low and sad, retreating from intimacy with my partner (and self)
R: no intimacy with partner (or self)- my brain confirms that its because I am fat and ugly

C: I am fat and ugly
T: Its my fault
F: guilt
S: tension in chest
A: making changes to my appearance, buying clothes, getting a haircut -shopping generally
R: Dopamine rush and new clothes help for a minute but then this cycle comes back
R: Making myself the Problem

C: I am fat and ugly
T: I need to check if thats true in the mirror
F: fear
S: tense
A: checking my appearance in the mirror several times, looking for confirmation
R: Finding confirmation for being fat and ugly in the mirror

It makes me feel pretty disconnected to my body, to my feminity and my sexuality. I dont think I see my body clearly in the mirror or at least my brain offers me a narratives that distort the reality.

i look forward to some more coaching.

Answer:

We’re so proud of you for feeling the resistance and doing the exploring anyway. Know that there is no rush. You’re safe. You don’t need to be fixed. You’re not broken. You’ve simply been operating within a system that has offered you some beliefs. For a long time, you accepted those beliefs. Today, it sounds like you are wanting to make some shifts. This is so powerful. Give yourself a big hug.

If it feels available to you, think of a simple, easy way you could connect with yourself. Is there something you’ve been denying yourself because you didn’t deserve it or you needed to be a certain size, etc to allow it? What would you need to believe about yourself to be able to connect with you and live your life in this body just as it is?