Negotiating better salary package

For some reason I’m terrible at asking for things. I don’t like to put people out, be a nuisance. Have really been struggling with asking for a better salary package for a new job I’ll be starting. I finally sent my response to the offer but feeling incredibly anxious. I’m wondering how I can get better at doing this or stop the anxiety I feel around it all. It’s all a self confidence thing I think. Maybe the thought is that I can’t actually do the job. Or I’m not good enough for the job. There’s a fear that by asking for a better deal I really need to live up to expectations maybe. Been working on below model but a bit stuck.

Circumstance- negotiating better salary package with company I work for
Thought- who am I to make these kind of demands?
Feeling – anxious
Action- lose sight of what i want, delay responding. Start to convince myself I’m being unreasonable
Results – under value myself.

 

 

Answer:

Congratulations on your new job and hooray for asking for the salary you want no matter how scared you are. Of course it’s scary, people who have been socialized as female are supposed to be quiet and nice. We’ve also been told that we musn’t talk about money and we shouldn’t be demanding in any way. It is actually dangerous for us in many situations to stand out.  All of that is your unconscious brain trying to protect you. We love our lower brain, thank it, and don’t believe everything we think.

In your circumstance, put the exact amount of money being discussed. Facts only.  Making your circumstance neutral is a very important part of self coaching.

In your thought like you have a question. Answer it.

Who are you? make a list of all the anxious thoughts. Then make a list of who you believe you are when you are confident. Decide which list serves you better. Be curious.

See what comes up and bring back your models and questions for more coaching.