New chapter with friendship group

Hi,
I’ve recently submitted ask a coaches on an end of a friendship. I feel at peace with this specifically happening with that person. But there are some things I’m also aware of.
I feel some shame around friendships ending. It has happened twice before: once with a close friend, and tbh it was a similar situation of outgrowing each other but we’re not in each other’s lives anymore, and see our mutual friends separately. And another time involved unrequited love for a friend, which was very painful and resulted in the loss of the group, so it is a quite different scenario.
Even so, I feel conscious of it happening now three times to previously close friends. And, yes, some shame around that? Like what it says about me? eg: drama, or that I’m not a good friend, or I’m the problem.
It’s interesting because all of three of these people I was very close to at a time, and I wonder if there is something around that level of friendship not being something that is possible to maintain so intensely in adulthood. Still, I worry about what it looks like.
Again, even though I know that I’m a ‘good friend’ and a valued one, in many other ways in my life.
I would like to rebrand how I’m thinking of these endings with something more neutral. Like, those friendships served me at important times in my life, like at school, uni, in my 20s – and I’m grateful to have had them in my life for those times. But we changed and outgrew each other and we’re allowed to do that. And in all cases, the ending was the most successful outcome.
Do you have any tips on actually believing this?! And dialling down the shame… .
Thank you

 

Answer:

What do you think is standing in your way between believing what you want to believe about the situation? I wonder if many things can be true here…is there space for the pain of loss (grief, maybe?), the reflection it inspires, and the different perspectives that you want to embrace. Loss is tender. Grief can feel gutting. Be compassionate with yourself when you reflect on these friendships ending.