New info about ex

Hi,
This week, I saw a notification about my ex on linked in. It wasn’t even the specifics, just that I saw he’d posted 14 mins before I logged in. I don’t check it much, so forgot that we still had each other on there.
This was significant because when things ended, a big reason was him saying that his mental health was really bad, and that he had been suicidal. It ended 2 years ago, and during that time I have had a lot of worry about him, including about whether he was even alive – which sounds dramatic, but was very much based in our last conversation.
As we disconnected over other social media, and there has been no messaging since, this was the first proof of life I have had. Again, sounds dramatic, but it is true. When I saw it I was relieved to see it.
But it also makes it even clearer to me that he is alive – and all this time has passed, and he still doesn’t want me. Which somehow makes it all more painful and obvious.
I’ve been through so many cycles of hurt and anger since our breakup. Especially around the way he left it with me, and how powerful that made me feel. Because it has been incredibly punishing, to be left with that info and have no ability to check in etc.
I suppose what this has also made me think about, is ways I might be stuck in this area of my life. In many ways I feel that I have moved on, but there’s been something niggling with him, too. And, I am currently single and haven’t met anyone new since.
Any support with processing this would be much appreciated!
Thank you

 

Answer:

 

Being a human is messy, and being a human in a relationship doubles the humanness and the messy business.

Have you done a big thought download about this? It might be really helpful to get all of your thoughts about seeing him post 14 minutes before you logged on to just let all of the thoughts in your head about seeing that and what it means about you, him, your relationship, where you are now, etc. out into the big wide open.

Try handwriting it. Notice the emotions that surface as you do so. What does giving yourself a safe space to do this do for you?