Not doing something I really want to do

So, I’ve been in the Flow Collective for over 6 months and this is the first time I’ve done anything other than watch the videos! The issue that brought me to the Flow Collective, the thing that wakes me up in the night and keeps me from sleeping, the thing that is the main source of unhappiness in my life is: making physical photo albums of from the thousands of digital photos of my kids I have on my phones and laptops. I’ve made albums like these before, for my parents, and I know that they take time and effort, but also that I’m good at making them. I have so many gorgeous pictures of my kids that capture the everyday wonder of our family life, and I know that I can find pleasure in choosing them and arranging them on a page. My kids absolutely love the albums I’ve made for my parents in the past, and I want so much to have our own. But there are so many pictures, some of them on laptops that are so old that they’ve given up the ghost and the photos can no longer be retrieved. And so whenever I think about starting to work on this task, it feels like an impossible mountain to climb. I feel this powerful sense of aversion and I will do everything but that. I know that once I start working on it, I’d probably enjoy it and so have tried to give myself the task of just doing it for five minutes, but I won’t start. I tell myself to do a model on this, but I don’t, and I feel that there’s a lot of shame wrapped up in what I see as my inability to do this relatively hum-drum task that nonetheless elicits a lot of emotion. I’ve realised recently that I’ve been beating myself up about this for so long, that perhaps letting it go as a goal and just focusing on taking care of myself is a gentler path, and I’ve been doing that. Going to bed earlier, taking care of my body, noticing my inner critic. From watching all the coaching, I have a feeling that I, too, need to sit with the fear and anxiety that my brain throws up whenever I consider starting on an album, and finding a way to work with or through the fear rather than waiting for a time when it will no longer be there. I’d love some help with figuring out how to use self-coaching to move towards making these albums in a way that isn’t about pushing or criticising myself there, but about connecting with the joy and pleasure of seeing these hundreds of joyful moments collected in a book.

Answer:

I love that you mentioned connecting, joy, and pleasure at the end of your submission and what’s interesting is that it seems like you’re in a real place of disconnect when it comes to the project.
When you feel connected in life in a general sense, what and/or who is in your A line? Is there an opportunity for you to invite some of those actions into this process? Look for places where there is an overlap – maybe you spend time with your children, or you’re dancing to 90s rock, or you’re doing both and more. Invite connection and joy and pleasure in to be with you when you sit down for those 5 minutes. See what changes. Come back to us when you’re ready with a part 2 for this submission.