Observing emotions

Hello coaches,
I’d really appreciate some clarity on work that I’m doing trying to observe my emotions. At the moment I’m trying to observe how I respond to other people’s emotions as an indicator of how I respond to my own. I feel excited about times when I have experienced more space before responding to another person, but I also wonder whether in noticing my emotion and labelling it, I almost censor myself.
An example is my husband accidentally shrinking one of my merino wool jumpers in the wash!!! I noticed the anger (waves) and frustration (grit in chest) and acknowledged them out loud. After this I felt like I didn’t know how to respond and felt stuck- my husband was so sorry and it’s happened with other jumpers so I didn’t need to say anything to help him in future!! But I felt the energy inside of me, but having rationalised it, didn’t really feel I could express it. Looking back, I think there are other ways I could express it like dance around or sing loudly! My go-to was to intentionally remove myself for some space, and was proud that I was able to move through the emotion and spend a lovely afternoon with him (I think we’re on jumper no 5 now so the frustration was real!! And previously when experiencing emotions I find uncomfortable, my go to is yo unintentionally withdraw and go into dorsal).
It felt a little similar to jumping into an intentional model without sitting with the unintentional one but I think it’s a slightly different situation. Perhaps it’s to do with my perception or comfort/ discomfort with anger.

 

Answer:

 

First thing is first, let’s celebrate the milestones that you’ve crossed in giving a voice to your emotions, and noticing your reactions what happens for you in the aftermath. That’s major!!
I wonder if the stuck feeling is actually a very normal result of doing something new and having new territory to navigate. What do you think? What did you expect to happen after you verbalized your feelings? Sometimes doing something new feels very sticky and…weird…for lack of a better term.
On the other hand, it sounds like you’re looking for a satisfying way to express anger and you’ve maybe identified a few things you could try next time – dancing or singing loudly. There is some evidence out there that fully leaning into and experiencing an emotion takes 90 seconds. I wonder how, in addition to the ideas you’ve already thrown out on the table, that might look for you. Write a list of all of the potential ways you could let yourself feel angry and express it fully. This is all A line. Are there one or two or three things that you would like to try? What would you have to think to be able to let yourself do those things? You’re opening up a door to getting to know an important part of yourself. Keep exploring!