Old Me vs. New Me: Exploring This Shift Through the Model

Hi team,

After my last Ask a Coach submission, I sat down to work through a model from that situation—and through that process, something really clicked for me. I realized that this experience I described isn’t isolated; it’s actually a recurring pattern I’ve been living out for years.

Whenever I bump into people from my past—whether from childhood or even just recent years—I almost always try to avoid being seen. I hide, look away, pretend I don’t recognize them, or wait for them to acknowledge me first.

I sat with this discomfort, worked through a model, and journaled deeply. And here’s what landed:

It’s not really about them.
I’m avoiding my own past self.

I realized I’m carrying a lot of judgment toward the past versions of me—who I was, the decisions I made, and even just the emotional states I was in during those times. Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing that version of me was sad or struggling, and that’s a painful memory to confront.

When I see someone from my past, it feels like their face becomes a mirror reflecting my own self-judgment back at me.

What’s even more powerful is recognizing that the version of me I’m “leaving behind” doesn’t need to be erased—she needs to be loved and accepted. That’s the only way I move forward without fear of being seen.

And I think this is where the “old self vs. new self” work really clicked for me. To fully step into the version of myself I’m becoming, I don’t need to reject the past version—I need to integrate her with love. Otherwise, I’m not just leaving her behind; I’m hiding from her. And that’s exactly what’s happening when I try to avoid people from my past.

Here’s the model I worked through:

C: Bump into someone from my past
T: I don’t want to deal with the past. (Variations: They won’t remember me. They’re judging me.)
F: Insecure
Sensation: Contraction in my body, shrinking, sometimes even constipation for days before/after these interactions
A:
– Avoid eye contact
– Pretend not to see them
– Hide or change my route
– Wait for them to acknowledge me first
– OR I do interact but:
– Feel awkward and hyper-aware of myself
– Replay the interaction afterwards and ruminate on what I said or didn’t say
– Judge myself harshly for how I showed up or didn’t show up

R: I don’t actually avoid discomfort—it’s already there. By either avoiding the interaction or judging myself after it, I reinforce the belief that I’m still stuck in the old version of myself. I miss the opportunity to embody and practice the new version of me.

Coaching Questions:
1. What’s the difference between a belief and a thought? And is the model more effective when I work directly with the core belief rather than just surface thoughts?
2. How can I become more conscious in the moment and interrupt this avoidance pattern before it fully takes over?

Thanks so much for reading this and for any reflections or guidance you have!

Answer:

Great reflections, introspection, and self-coaching!

And great questions – let’s answer them first. To your first question, the difference between a belief and a thought is that it’s a thought that’s been practiced on repeat. In your mind, there’s no room for questioning it or the potential for it to be partially, or kind of, or not at all true…until you make room (or room is made) for it to shift. And the model is powerful no matter what. Sometimes we need to work with the more surface thoughts to uncover more about the core belief – those surface thoughts can be sneaky and disguise themselves. All roads lead to Rome in this scenario. What comes up for you when you think about these answers?

To your second question, what does being more conscious in the moment mean to you? What would be different if you were more conscious in these moments. Notice if anything emerges in terms of thoughts to practice or actions you can take when you’re in the thick of, or know you’ll be stepping into a similar scenario in the future.