Other people thinking thoughts about me

Please can someone review my unintentional and neutral models to see if I’ve missed anything? Thanks in advance!

C: My friend and her husband are coming tomorrow.
T: I don’t like him.
F: Uncomfortable.
A: Don’t know how to respond to him.
A: Trying to engage with him/make him interested.
A: Constantly watching him for a reaction/interest
A: Fret about what he thinks of me or what he’ll say to me.
A: Try to appease him.
R: Am not open to enjoying or able to enjoy the evening.

C: My friend and her husband are coming tomorrow.
T: He’s a bit intimidating.
F: Intimidated
A: Don’t know how to respond to him.
A: Trying to engage with him/make him interested.
A: Constantly watching him for a reaction/interest
A: Fret about what he thinks of me or what he’ll say to me.
A: Try to appease him.
R: Am not open to enjoying or able to enjoy the evening.

C: My friend and her husband are coming tomorrow.
T: He won’t really make an effort to be ‘nice’.
F: Annoyed.
A: Don’t know how to respond to him.
A: Trying to engage with him/make him interested.
A: Constantly watching him for a reaction/interest
A: Fret about what he thinks of me or what he’ll say to me.
A: Try to appease him.
R: Am not open to enjoying or able to enjoy the evening.

C: My friend and her husband are coming tomorrow.
T: I don’t know how to behave around him.
F: Awkward
A: Trying to engage with him/make him interested.
A: Constantly watching him for a reaction/interest
A: Fret about what he thinks of me or what he’ll say to me.
A: Try to appease him.
R: Am not open to enjoying or able to enjoy the evening.

C: My friend and her husband are coming tomorrow.
T: I don’t think he likes me.
F: Insecure
A: Don’t know how to respond to him.
A: Trying to engage with him/make him interested.
A: Constantly watching him for a reaction/interest
A: Fret about what he thinks of me or what he’ll say to me.
A: Try to appease him.
R: Am not open to enjoying or able to enjoy the evening.

C: My friend and her husband are coming tomorrow.
T: He might say something negative to me and I won’t know how to respond.
F: Worried
A: Don’t know how to respond to him.
A: Trying to engage with him/make him interested.
A: Constantly watching him for a reaction/interest
A: Fret about what he thinks of me or what he’ll say to me.
A: Try to appease him.
R: Am not open to enjoying or able to enjoy the evening.

Neutral thoughts/models:

C: My friend and her husband are coming tomorrow.
T: It’s OK that I have nothing in common with him.
F: Accepting/Comfortable?
A: Be polite and welcoming.
A: Don’t try to force the conversation.
A: Don’t try to impress him.
A: Spend time in the intentional thought model.
R: Allow the evening to unfold as it does and not make it mean anything about me.

 

Answer:

Great job with your models and noticing how different thoughts and feelings create the same actions.

Notice that your focus in your unintentional model is guessing what to do to create a reaction out of him. You are checking his reaction to determine how he feels, and if you should do something different to create the feeling if you perceive the one you want in his body language.

Why is being yourself not enough? A possible result for each of these to try out and see what resonates are as follow:
1. I don’t like myself
2. I intimidate myself
3. I am not nice to myself
4. I don’t behave as myself
5. I don’t like myself
6. i am negative to myself.

If you liked yourself, you could be you, and know that it is enough. You would not feel the need to change. How he responds has to do with him, and is not about you. When we like ourselves, it is easier to understand it could not mean anything about us.

In the same way you intimidate yourself to not be yourself. You are not nice to yourself to think that you have to be different than you.

What would it take for you to give him permission to be himself and for it to mean nothing about you? Even if we knew that he did not like you for example, what would that matter if you were yourself and liked who you were?

For your intentional model, what do you want to focus your thought on? Do you want to focus on how he is, how you are, the reason you are getting together with your friend, or something else?

Choose the belief that makes you feel the way you want during this visit.