Overcoming mistrust of conventional medical route after previous bad experience

I have been called back for more in-depth heart tests after a 7 day heart trace showed abnormalities in my trace results. It has re-awoken a deep fear that covid caused my heart some damage. This has been a fear I have had since I experienced some scary episodes and symptoms when I was first ill with covid. I thought I had moved past it, but it’s still here!

I have just recovered (for the most part) from Long Covid. I had several bad experiences seeking medical help throughout the course of my illness. My GP did not want to refer me for further tests and said I had an anxiety disorder. I was also prescribed some medication that I really struggled with and then told there were no alternatives. It was also mentioned that my fatigue was because I had got myself in a worked-up state, when I was in tears over a telephone consultation.

I realised then that I needed to take responsibility for my own recovery.

I have recovered through the support of a community of long covid sufferers, using holistic approaches such as pacing, rest, meditation, nutrition, CBT, learning about poly-vagal theory to help me get out of an activated, traumatised state. I still have some strange cardiac symptoms but have been choosing to put this down to my having been under a lot of stress prior to the illness. I have been managing these symptoms by breathing exercises and managing my thoughts around them and they usually pass. I had got to the stage where I had decided the fear I had around my heart was probably unfounded and I am just a bit more delicate so soon after burning out and getting long covid. I had considered myself to be in a really good place with regards to health anxiety.

However I was called up for a heart trace recently (it turns out there was a referral made after all! – it has taken 10 months to come through) I felt frustrated at this because I really want to move on and almost turned the trace down. But then I did some thought modelling around it and decided it was really positive because it would likely give me a chance to see that I was healthy and it would catch anything that needed attention.

I want to go along and fully trust what the cardiologists say but I have become wary of symptom spotting and treating especially as I know my own stress and anxiety will have definitely had a short-term impact on my heart. My recovery experience had taught me that the body is amazing and it can heal itself to a great degree so long as I trust in my own recovery. But now I feel anxious and torn. I don’t want to question the expertise of a cardiologist but I am finding it hard to feel safe and at ease with these medical tests and the potential treatment options. I am also feeling like my anxiety around this will not help give them a clear picture of what is going on. I also am terrified that there really is something wrong and need to get it sorted for the sake of my children and husband.

Any help with this would be appreciated. I am doing lots of thought downloads at the moment but I am stuck on this inability to trust and the strength of the fear I still have.

 

Answer:

It’s understandable that your body is going to react to going in for a test that seems dangerous.  Especially as it’s a bit of a surprise right now. Give yourself lots of compassion and use the tools you have to calm your nervous system. Expect that there will still be some anxiety. That isn’t a problem. That’s your body and brain working exactly how they are supposed to. How would it look if you didn’t resist the fear and just brought it with you?

What if you questioned the thought that you can’t trust this cardiologist? Lumping together the entire medical community doesn’t seem to be working for you.

You can also lessen the intensity by focusing on the present. Right now all you need to do it go in for the tracing. That’s it.  Your brain wants to make up a big dramatic story about the rest of your life but all you need to do is the next step. When you get more information, you’ll know what to do.  Make a list of thoughts you believe about your ability to navigate this. You’ve already shared a pile of evidence that shows you know how to take care of you. Use that to build your confidence for next steps. Of course we are here in TFC to help you along the way. Please bring back any models or questions you have for coaching.