Overly self-conscious

I’ve been struggling with this for years. I feel very self conscious when I’m talking to other people, like colleagues , certain friends, people I’ve not met before. I worry that I will have white saliva at the edges of my mouth and I am constantly wiping my mouth with my hand just incase. This constant worry sometimes stops me from talking to people. As I am engaging in conversation and I momentarily forget my worry and I notice somone looking at my mouth or wiping their own mouth, I immediately think it’s because they have seen some saliva on the corner of my mouth and then the nerves kick in, my mouth dries up and I start wiping my face again. It’s a really vicious cycle and I want to break it but don’t know how. I know how it started. It started when one of my own kids noticed it and commented on it, as kids do, “uuugh, it’s white in your mouth!”. This was about 13 years ago! My kids are all grown up and have moved out of the house now. I’m working now, but was a full time Mum at hom for a long time and back then I was struggling with a lot of cofidence issues, identity, etc. I think maybe that’s why the comment had such an impact on me even though I know it was just a typical thing a child that age notices and says without ill intent. 13 years on I watch other people chat to each other with ease and am amazed that they don’t have this problem and don’t seem to have to think about this and I feel so frustrated and jealous even, that I have this daily struggle. How can I begin to change my thoughts around this in order to see an improvement and feel less conscious?

 

 

Answer:

What are your beliefs around someone who has saliva on the corners of their mouth? Or perhaps spinach in their teeth or something like that? Do a thought download of any judgements you have. Include things peole have said that you may have inadvertently picked up. Don’t edit them. See what comes up as you let it all out on paper.

You have good awareness of when this started, but what is keeping it going today is the beliefs you have about what other people might think, which generally are really only our own judgements.

We always begin by getting clear on what’s happening now. The more honest you can be about why saliva on the corner of your mouth is a problem, the easier it is to start making changes. You’re right where you need to be, friend.

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