Overreaction to comment about others friendships

Hi coaches,

I was out with a friend yesterday and he casually mentioned that another friend invited him to watch a game on Sunday. This comment drew me completely of balance. I went into a thought spiral about how I am never invited, can’t connect to anyone, can’t make any new friends, am not even worth being someone’s friend. I was dysregulated for the rest of the evening and didn’t manage to get back to normal. I even added an additional layer by feeling so ashamed that such a comment has such an intense impact on me when I could just have been happy for my friend that he has nice weekend plans.

C: Friend said „The other friend invited me to watch a game on Sunday”
T: nobody ever invites me
F: worthless
S: heaviness, tears pricking my eyes
A: I withdraw, I have a hard time keeping up the conversation, I get defensive and can’t keep the tone of the conversation light, I try hard to hide how the comment made me feel, I lie when asked if everything is alright
R: I’m never good enough

I’d really appreciate some feedback on my model and any tips on how to deal with my feelings around friendships and connection to prevent such situations in the future.

 

 

Answer:

 

This sounds like it was a very hard experience for you. It’s wonderful that you came here for support with it.

I wonder if the thought a layer below what’s in your T line is actually what’s more connected to your R line – I have a feeling the T line here is skimming the surface of something big for you. What do you think?

Sometimes we have hard feelings, and thank goodness we have the model to help us understand where they’re coming from. Check in quickly with yourself – what does the part of you that’s in this model need from the core version of yourself right now? How can you give that?

Finally, I’d like to offer that you question the thought, “Nobody ever invites me.” Is that 100% true? Is there a possibility that this is the story your brain has on repeat?

There are some great coaching calls, and a Maisie Hill Experience podcast episode from February of 2023 with Jewel Hohman about friendships. This might be a great resource for you at this point!