Parenting Boundaries and Closing the Loop (Part 5)

Hi Coaches

This is a follow-up to my previous submissions regarding the boundary violation involving my cousin and her partner. I’ve spent time sitting with the coaching responses and reflecting deeply on the questions posed. I’m sharing this as a way to close the emotional loop and mark the clarity I’ve found.

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1. Moving Forward May Be Uncomfortable—So What’s the Alternative?

I realized I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself to “handle this perfectly.” But when I look back, I can honestly say: I did well. I didn’t stay silent. I spoke up in the moment, directly and clearly, even though it was hard. I asked for clarifications despite feeling betrayed and disrespected, and when I needed space, I took it.

I didn’t abandon myself to preserve the relationship. I didn’t over-explain or backpedal. I allowed time for myself to process everything before re-engaging.

If I could give myself a hug, I would whisper:
“You did good. You are enough. You are a strong, discerning parent. You are safe, and your child is safe with you.”

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2. Why Do You Think You Should Have Acted Differently? How Does Your Reaction Make Perfect Sense?

I’ve had a hard time accepting my own stress response. Anger and fear felt “wrong” because I was conditioned to believe they’re destructive emotions. But I see now that they were protective.

My anger showed me the boundaries that needed to be reinforced. My fear reminded me of how much this bond with my child means to me. And while it felt messy and chaotic internally, what I communicated externally was actually quite clear and grounded.

My emotional reaction makes perfect sense because I was protecting my son. I don’t need to justify or downplay that.

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3. What Else Do You Know Now?

I know now that I don’t have to cut people off to protect myself and my child. I can remain in the relationship while standing firm in my boundaries.

I can choose to express what I need clearly, without guilt, and then allow others to respond however they will. This isn’t about controlling the outcome—it’s about staying connected to my own truth.

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4. How Could You Give Yourself Space to Grieve the Loss of the Original Vision?

I’ve realized the grief is not just about these two people not becoming the co-parents I once hoped for. It’s a deeper grief—the painful reality that I don’t have the support and safety net I long for. That my son’s well-being and safety are entirely dependent on me. There is no backup plan. No one I trust enough to fully share that responsibility.

And beneath that is the grief of not having a partner to share this journey with—a man I can trust deeply, who would bring that sense of emotional and practical safety.

I’m allowing myself to sit with this grief gently, recognizing it as part of the process, and knowing that honoring this grief will help me move forward with clarity.

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5. What Still Feels Unresolved?

The belief that I’m unsupported still lingers—and with it, the fear that no matter how clearly I ask for what I need, it won’t be met. This is old pain resurfacing, and while I see it clearly now, it still feels very real.

What also feels unresolved is the practical next step—how to communicate my truth in a way that feels safe for me, without overexplaining or softening it to avoid discomfort.

But I do have that some clarity now. I’ll send a written message through WhatsApp. This feels like the safest and most direct way for me to express where I stand and what I expect moving forward.

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6. Visualizing This Version of Me—The Fierce Protector

She is a mama lioness.
She doesn’t need to roar to be powerful—her presence alone communicates strength.
She acts with clarity and calm authority.
She’s not afraid of discomfort or what others might think.
She knows that protecting her son and honoring their bond comes before all else.

She trusts herself fully—and that is the greatest protection she can offer both herself and her child.

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This is the message I’ve drafted, which feels aligned with this new clarity. I’m including it here as part of closing the loop for myself—and I’m open to any reflections you might have.

Hi

I’ve sat with this for a long time and want to share where I’m standing in all honesty.

What happened during the visit in November is something I haven’t fully moved past. While I addressed it briefly at the time, I now realize I haven’t fully expressed what was going on for me.

When I entrusted [my son] to you that day, I didn’t consent to a situation where he would be invited into your bed for cuddling. That kind of closeness is something I reserve for myself as his mother. That boundary still belongs to me, and it’s something I take seriously—especially as a single mother.

I need to know that situations like this won’t happen again. And beyond that, I need to trust that when [my son] seeks physical closeness that isn’t appropriate with other adults, you will gently and clearly set those boundaries.

This is about helping him learn how to relate to adults who are not his mother. He needs to feel safe and connected without confusing physical intimacy for emotional safety. One day, he’ll encounter teachers, coaches, and other authority figures, and it’s vital he understands that trust doesn’t require physical closeness. That learning starts now, with the people closest to him.

When these boundaries aren’t upheld, it not only confuses him but also undermines the work I’m doing to teach him healthy limits. If he crosses a boundary himself—like placing his feet between someone’s legs—I need to know those moments will be used to guide him gently and clearly. That’s part of the role you have in his life.

I know this might feel uncomfortable to hear, and that’s okay. I’m not asking for perfection—only for awareness and a shared commitment to uphold these boundaries for [my son’s] well-being and development.

Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect. How you receive and respond to this will help me understand how we move forward.

Warmly,

Answer:

This is all so beautiful – and shows profound self-awareness. When I read this, it’s clear to me how deliberate and clear you are being with your words. What I’m more interested in is how you feel when you read it back? What is indicative of this being the right message to send? Is there anything you’d like to add or change?

You are a lioness mother, and it is showing in some incredible ways.