Parenting Boundaries – Letting to of Over-Responsibility after Setting the Boundary (Part 6)

Hi Coaches,

Over the weekend, I finally sent the message to my cousin and her partner to clearly express a parenting boundary regarding physical closeness with my son. After sending it, I felt an enormous emotional release – followed quickly by a wave of shame, guilt, and doubt. Old thoughts and feelings flared up hard.

But something shifted too. Amidst the spiral, a new thought popped in: “I’m taking too much responsibility.” And I realized – yes, I am. That realization brought me back to myself and helped me let go.

I’d love to share the two models I did around this. Mainly, I just want to reflect and document this shift – but if you see something important to notice, or anything I might want to watch out for, I’m open.

UM

C: I sent the message to my cousin and her partner, expressing my boundaries around parenting and physical closeness.
T: I’ve said too much.
F: Shame
S: An immense weight o my shoulders and body, lower back pain
A:
– Spiral into self-criticism and doubt
– Read the already delivered message, looking for flaws
– Imagine them judging or rejecting me
– Recall other situations where I “overshared”
– Disconnect from my reasons for sending the message
– Physically tense up
R: I disconnect from my own truth and take on responsibility for how other feel or react.

IM

C: Same
T: The point of my message is to communicate my truth even if its imperfect, not to manage their feelings.
F: Centered
S: Returning to self
A:
– Breathe and release the need to fix
– let the message go for now
– Not replay the message or ruminate on how I could have written it differently
– Trust that I’ll handle whatever response comes, in my own time
– Set a boundary around how I will receive and read their response (a time and space of my choosing)
– Focus on what is coming up next in my life, not give this any more of my time and space for now
R: I return to my center and stand by my truth without over-responsibility.

To answer your earlier question (“what is indicative of this being the right message to send?”): I believe it was the right message because I clearly named the boundary, that was crossed, explained why it matters, and articulated both my values and what I want from them in the future. Before sending, I made a few small changes – removing a couple of sentences where I could still sense my own judgment or frustration coming through. I rewrote them to stay anchored in my own feelings, values, and intentions, which helped me feel more grounded and clear. Looking back, the only thing that maybe could have been “better” is for it to be less long-winded. But honestly—whatever. It doesn’t need to be perfect. I’m glad it’s done.

Thank you again for walking with me through this process.

Warmly,

Answer:

We are celebrating you so so much from our corners of the globe. You’re right – it doesn’t need to be perfect, and it’s done. How will you honor the work you’ve done to not only send the letter, but also care for yourself through the responses that you had in the aftermath – both unintentional and purposeful? This is a massive step. How can you love and thank yourself?