Parenting during meltdowns

Hi,

Please could I get some coaching on the following situation and models. It’s about how I parent my 4 year old. I’ve usually had positive thoughts and feelings about my parenting but lately have feel less sure. A comment from my mother in law this afternoon brought up some thoughts and feelings (that I’m aware have been lurking for a while) and I’d like to examine and work on these further. So far I have these two models

C: 4 year old daughter having meltdown. Mother in law says that when its happened with her, she’s offered a cuddle and that’s worked to calm down my daughter
T: Does she really think I haven’t tried that (and it usually doesn’t work)
F: annoyed
s: eyes squinted, literally and energetically turn my back on mil
A: I close down; busy myself with cooking; speak less to mil/ go quiet; explain myself to her – that my daughter screams or bites me when I offer a cuddle in a meltdown; wish my mil would leave
r: I’m annoyed that she doesn’t realise I’ve tried that option

Then I felt I went into another model

C: ruminating/ reflecting on words said by my mother in law about ways to manage my daughters meltdowns
T: I’m failing her (my daughter) because I don’t know what to do
F: lost
S: tearful, heaviness in chest
A: ruminate on how hard I find her meltdowns; ruminate on why she is having these and whether it means there’s something wrong; beat myself up for not having this investigated – which turns into generally beating myself up for my fear of medical professionals and not getting things dealt with; project into the future and imagine her having to have therapy because I didn’t support her properly during emotional dysregulation
R: I start to believe I am failing her

I’d love to get some feedback and coaching. With much gratitude….

 

Answer:

 

When you see these models written out, what stands out to you about yourself and what you uncover? What do you recognize as a thought pattern or default thinking? And finally, why is it important to you to investigate this issue/situation through these models?

Extend yourself compassion. Parenting is hard. That’s a C. Parenting through a meltdown is hard too. What if you extended yourself the as much love and compassion for learning how to navigate this phase of life as you extend to your daughter while she’s doing the same?