Part 2 Fertility & recurring pregnancy loss

Thank you so much for the prompts. Here is what I came up with:

My thoughts about my feeling detached from my body, my nervous system shutting down, and experiencing emotions in small installments are…
T: This is probably my body’s and nervous systems’s self-defense mechanism as they know that these emotions are raw and might push me over the edge when they come to the surface all at once.
T: I want them to come out all at once. (F: impatient)
T: I should be able to experience my emotions.
T: I can’t go back to work before I haven’t dealt with the pain properly, so I need them to come out.
T: I need to feel in touch with my body again before going into another round of ICSI.
T: If this feeling of detachment continues I might never have a successful pregnancy.
T: Feeling this detatched from my own body prevents me from enjoying intimacy/sex with my husband.
T: My nervous system is smart and is just keeping me safe.
T: I don’t know how to process my emotions, that’s why the shutters stay closed.

What do I make of it?
>> This may be a sign of my resilience.
>> I know my body and my body and nervous system know me and know what I can handle at once.
>> I have always been a stoic person, so this might be my base line of dealing with crises.

I’d really appreciate further guidance!

 

Answer:

Great reflections!

When we begin to understand what is going on, we may begin to move toward processing those feelings. There is no “right” or “wrong” way for this. The goal is to go through it.

Notice how you judge yourself for how your brain is handling this. There is a sense that it should not do this, and allow everything to come out. What if instead of judging, you approached your brain with compassion. It may sound something like this:
“It makes total sense that my brain is trying to protect me from my emotions. It is afraid that it may push me over the edge.”

As you move to processing, this is a great practice to do in a nice quiet space.
Start with that understanding of what your brain has done. Let your brain know that you can handle all feelings. The only feelings that swallow us, are the ones that we resist and try to push away.

Close your eyes or at least soften your gaze. Reflect on your experiences, and begin to drop into your body. Notice where you have a sensation in your body. Go there and begin to describe it. Describe it in as much detail as possible. (Is it hot or cold? Rough or smooth? Hard or soft? Static or moving?) To begin, you may notice resistance more than any other feelings. Anything you notice will be useful.

Once you are able to describe it, breathe into it. Sit with it, and keep checking in to see how the intensity changes. Does the sensation move or change.

Make room to do that each day for a few minutes. See what comes up, and let us know.