Partner’s family

I am working on planning Christmas holidays with both my family and my Husband’s family. I have first asked my husband’s family for dates we need to stay in town to be there for any get togethers. I either get no response or vague response like “the week of Christmas” which does not allow me to make plans with my family. I am feeling so frustrated and don’t know how to handle the situation. Here is the model I’m in:
C Planning Christmas holidays
T I can’t get a straight answer from my husband’s family about what their plans are for when they want to gather.
F Frustration
A Obsess, overthinking, trying to put a puzzle together without all the pieces
R stay frustrated

 

 

Answer:

You are frustrated because you are not owning your part in this. You could make plans with your family first but you don’t want to. You want to coordinate with your husband’s family. If you answered the question “why is this thought a problem?” in your model your answer would be something like “I can’t make plans with my family.” but you can. You are choosing not to. Own your choice.

Why do you want to have their dates? What does your brain tell you will happen if you don’t? What does your brain tell you will happen if you ask for dates again? There’s probably a really great story you can tell about Christmases past. But now you have the model. You know that your circumstances do not create your feelings, you do.

If you trusted yourself to communicate confidently and make plans without all the worry about negative consequences, what would you do? Create an intentional model around the result you truly want. You think it’s Christmas dates checked off you list, but it’s a feeling you are looking for. Create that feeling for yourself right now. Bring any questions or models back for more coaching.