Perfection Model vs Imperfection Model and learning from that – Part 4

Hiya thank you coach

On the stress fake-energy that puts me in go go go mode…

“But is it the only way?” – definetely not.

“What do you find interesting about depending on that kind of energy?” – I’m super effective, things get done, any physcial or mental depletion doesn’t get in the way, real visible progress is made. Flip side is that it has real, visible consequences also : years long burnout from being in that energy for long periods at work, or a crash for a few days because i pushed my limits on one day.

And on letting things slip… an example (low impact)….

“I am curious about whether there’s been a time when you have let something important slip. What happened?” – Yes surely plenty of times. One example. I took it too easy at the eurostar terminal before my train. I went to the toilet outside the checkin zone and I missed checkin by 2 minutes.

“How did you handle it?” – Disbelief, incredulous, irritation, annoyance at myself, annoyance at the strict system (a fellow passenger was just 2 metres away from me across this computer says no barrier), and horror at the consequence. I pleaded, i tried to reason with them, nothing. So I got information on my options, and logicced my way to a decision. I decided to still go, and it cost me £220. (Actually probably more like £150 since i would have lost all other train travel that had been booked after that).

“Notice whether you learn or realize anything from recounting this story…what does that tell you about yourself?” – I’m still annoyed by it, and now i have a little humour on it. ‘You live and learn’ kind of feel. I learned from it and every eurostar trip since i have left a BIG margin on travel needs and I put alarms on my phone to not miss the checkin limit.

Another letting it slip example (medium impact)…

“What happened?” – I left home without key things to manage my energy (ear plugs, sunglasses, headphones, snacks, water), and I had an energy crash.

“How did you handle it?” – Sat or lay down wherever i was, have a meltdown, cry, panic, replenish a little bit over a long time, make my way home slowly bit by bit. Since that day, i had a list of things to bring each time i went out, and I had less crashes. Now, i still bring those things out but i recognise when i dont have enough energy to go out in the first place, and so I have no energy crashes.

“Notice whether you learn or realize anything from recounting this story…what does that tell you about yourself?” – I feel so sad for myself and very very guilty. I didn’t take care of myself well. Those moments were horrible.

And a final example of letting it slip (more severe)…

“What happened?” – I must have lapsed in strictness or severity or sticking to key rules for having my dog be obedient. Because I was brushing my dog and he bit me. He had a long history of such issues but not with me – that was an escalation in my eyes. The strictness was a solution imposed to avoid putting him down years prior, with professional trainers’ input.

“How did you handle it?” – I knew he was on his last chance given my understanding of dog psychology at the time and of the risk it posed to people and animals around. I informed myself with multiple different important sources and ultimately put the dog down. It was brutal.

“Notice whether you learn or realize anything from recounting this story…what does that tell you about yourself?” – This is heavy on me still. I have regrets and doubts to this day.

And countless other examples but i think those 3 are a good variety.

Ok over to you, thanks coach

 

Answer:

 

This is great reflection. I know that the consequences of some of your examples vary from loss of a loved pet to loss of money, but I wonder if the take away is the same for all of these experiences. You felt some hard emotions and had nervous system responses, you lived, and you learned. If – when – you let something slip again in the future, what if that same thing – likely feeling something that is hard to feel, living through it, and learning from it  – is true? How does experiencing some parts of life this way fit into the beautiful tapestry that is You?

What comes up for you when you think about that?