Perfectionism/Judging towards partner

I have done quite some work on my own perfectionism, setting (too high) goals and being judging of myself. I feel like I have made great improves in this and am more self loving and self caring now. But in autumn, when I have PMS and mood swings, I recognize I am doing what I did to myself to my partner. I seem to be judging of him and his behaviors and also request (without literally asking things) more of him. My expectations seem so rise then. After my period this calms down again and I can see what happened, but in the moment I have a very hard time being nice and caring towards him to.
So an example is that I would expect myself to do certain chores even though I would be tired and actually needed some rest. Now I prioritise my rest/me-time and I feel ok with leaving the chore for a later time. But now in my autumn I do expect that my partner does chores and often think he is lazy or cannot be trusted with the tasks which makes my mood turn to angry and distrusting (with general frustration levels already being high in that period) while for myself I can respect that I need a bit of rest. It feels like I am measuring myself and him against different levels/expectations.
How can I learn to also change my mindset in autumn towards being more caring towards him as well?

 

Answer:

Let’s use this great awareness of autumn now to create greater understanding that we can bring when autumn comes again.

C: Partner does not do chores. My autumn
T: I can’t trust him with the tasks
F: Angry
A: Judge partner as lazy, not caring toward partner, request and don’t ask of partner, I do not understand his perspective
R: I do not trust myself to be ok regardless of what partner does

Notice how it is not what your partner does or does not do that makes you angry. It is what you think it means when he does not do it. You give your power away to him in your autumn. If he does the chores, you will feel better. If he does not, you will be upset. The truth is that it is all about what you think of these situations.

Why is it important for you to have the chores done? What happens if they are not done?

The answers to these questions are important to understand along with the power you are giving your partner. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner to do something. What is missing is understanding that he gets to choose what he does or does not do. That decision may have nothing to do with you. Your power is to request, and decide what your options are for the chores being done. Understanding why you want them done may help you decide what your best option is.

You mentioned that you have greater understanding when you are not in autumn. What is that understanding you have? Those thoughts. may be what will serve you when you are in autumn. You can process how you feel when chores are not done, and then use those thoughts to decide where to go from there.