perfectionistic thoughts

Hi coaches,

I would like some guidance on a model. I have a lot of thoughts about things I must or should do, coming from perfectionist patterns and always being aware of everything that isn’t yet as it ‘should be’. Today I realized I have a thought about these thoughts and I tried to do a model on that.

C: I have a lot of thoughts about what I have yet to do or should do.

T: I should be able to stop thinking about everything I should do.

F: Weak

A: More reading, listening to podcasts and webinars to try and ‘solve’ it and be in a state of calm.
Trying to quiet my thoughts by scrolling on social media, listening to podcasts, … (actually making it worse)
Thinking, worrying, ruminating even more.
Keeping on a mask that I am strong and able to do and problem solve everything.

R: I keep thinking about things I should do. (?)

I wasn’t sure what feeling to choose (dissatisfied / overwhelmed / judgemental / stressed). But ‘weak’ seems to hit home the most. My thought makes me feel weak for not being able to ‘solve’ this pattern.
I am new here and would love some guidance on how to work with this thought. (I am translating my thoughts and feelings as English is not my native language, making it a bit more challenging to express myself.)
Thanks.

 

Answer:

Your English is great! It is clear and easy to understand. If you had not mentioned that it was not your native language, we would not have known. Your model is great as well. Great job really feeling and identifying which feeling is the strongest. For a result, what about R: I don’t stop ?

In regards to your model, why do you think you should stop thinking about everything you should do?

When we think we “should” be doing something, it means we are not doing that thing. If we were doing it, we would not have that thought. In other words, “should” is always a fight with reality.

What if you accepted that reality?

It might sound like, “I”m a person who thinks about things I have to do or should do.”

Why do you think your brain does this?
What does it create?

If you do not like what it creates, accepting that this is what your brain does will not stop you from being able to change. In fact, it will help you begin to change. When we don’t give ourselves the understanding of why we do what we do, we are resisting that part of ourselves. When we accept it, we can change from love and compassion for ourselves.

It may sound like “I am a person who thinks a lot about what I should do. My brain does this because……, and I know that what I am doing is the right decision for right now.”

The part after “and” is whatever that intentional thought is that moves you toward the results you want to create. So what will that be?