Perpetuating my own Loneliness?

I’m a stay at home mum of two young children (3 and 1). My husband is a wonderful father and tries his best to support me. Despite never being alone (which is stressful for me as a massive introvert) I feel intense loneliness.

We’ve had back to back illnesses in the house which has meant my children haven’t been to preschool and I haven’t had my usual one day off per week for the last two weeks.

I struggle greatly when my children are sick. I’m irritable and no one else can ever do anything right – my youngest was in hospital for a week when she was only three weeks old and I believe this irritability is a trauma response as I found this time incredibly difficult mentally.

It’s times of what I see as high pressure and increased responsibility (such as looking after ill children and advocating for them when necessary) that my loneliness really spikes. What’s confusing me is that in these times, I avoid connection even when it’s offered. My husband asks what he can do to help and I say nothing or he does something to help and I criticize it. I distance myself further from people even though I’m struggling with the loneliness. What gives?

 

Answer:

What if it wasn’t confusing at all that you act this way? Imagine your best friend came to you and said what you’ve shared here. As an outside, compassionate observer what would you tell them? What would you see happening for them that they might not be able to see from the inside?

I would offer that you have the loneliness, and then you have thoughts about the loneliness. The loneliness is something that many SAHM feel while raising young children because of the thoughts they have about their life and themselves. What do you think about your life and yourself and your ability to make and keep connections in this season? Do a thought download and see what’s happening if you let yourself voice it.

Then notice how you are thinking about your loneliness. It sounds like there is a thought “I shouldn’t be lonely.” Instead of just addressing the loneliness now your brain has decided it’s a problem and there is some additional suffering that you’re creating. This doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to loneliness, it just means that if you want to, you can put down your judgements about the way you’re feeling and simply take care of you. What do you think?