Plans for New Year’s Eve

Hello, some old school friends asked me if I wanted to do something with them on New Year’s Eve. I immediately agreed thinking that we would go to a party as we had done in previous years. However, it turns out they want to spend a cozy evening at home and chose the house of one friend’s parents as location. This brought up different thoughts and emotions for me. If I’m really honest I’m not looking forward to spending a cozy evening with them that involves a lot of talking. And I think the reason for this is that we have moved in different directions. I’m thankful to them because I have a lot of nice memories with them but if I’m really honest they are not the people that make my heart sing. I have often asked myself if I should stay in this friendship group and there are some individual people I would really like to stay in contact with. But those group gatherings (and the conversations at those gatherings) usually don’t excite me. There’s one friend who always plans nice group activities (also including other people that are not part of this friendship group) which I enjoy and which I probably would’t be a part of anymore if I would leave this friendship group. This friendship group is like a safety net for me. I have other friends who are very dear to me, but I’ve never done anything with these other friends on New Year’s Eve. I also wouldn’t mind spending New Year’s Eve on my own. I’ve been thinking about using that time for reflecting and creating a vision board for the next year. However, what I’m worried about is what other people may think about it. What are they going to make it mean about me when I spend New Year’s Eve on my own? So I guess the most convenient option would be to spend the evening with my old school friends. I’m sure I could create a model that allows me to see it as something positive. (And it could be: I’m invited to someone’s place, I won’t even be the only single person there, …), but right now I just don’t feel the excitement and New Year’s Eve feels more like a burden. I wrote down all the stuff that came up for me and would really appreciate your help. Thank you in advance!

 

Answer:

The thing about other people having thoughts about you is that they are going to have them regardless of what you do – those are their models, and those models are none of your business. If you were willing to feel discomfort in the short term so you could go in the direction of your dreams – allow your heart to sing – what would you decide to do? What would you have to think to allow for that discomfort? If you haven’t listened to Maisie’s recent podcast about identity shifts, I highly recommend it! Come back for more coaching when you’re ready.