PMDD and saying no during Luteal Phase and isolation

The last few cycles I have experienced really intense Pre menstural symptoms, an increase in migraine, emotional distress, intrusive thoughts and not being able to get out of bed. I’m seeking support from a medical professional, (yay! to the GP who finally listened.) But in the meantime I am supporting myself as much as I can, with supplements, rest, reduced sugar in take, watching out for binge eating, managing my diary and all the thought work during this time. But I am having real difficulties when I was recently faced with an invitation that fell on CD 19/20/21. I knew I wanted to say no. But I felt so much resistance because I have recently relocated so building a local community is important to me, but also because it was a contact of my husbands and I feel I do all the emotional labour in our relationship with organising things for us to do as couples.So I feel like saying no this, will mean I just continue to do the work for both of us to build a new community. I feel like I am living two lives, premenstrually I want to be on my own and under my own steam and then during Spring, Summer I want to be social and build a community. But I feel the social part needs some compromise around availability for both parties , but right now I don’t feel I can compromise on caring for my health. I feel as odes with these two parts of me and I feel conflicted.

unintentional
C-recieved an invitation on a set date
T- There is no way I can do that then
F- Frustrated
A-Hate my body for experiencing these symptoms
A-Hate that I have to live two lives
A-Become isolated
R- Not available to do that

C-recieve an invitation on a set date
T-I should compromise, we have to make ourselves available
F- Fawn
A- Just go along with it
R-Make myself available at any time

Intentional
C-Recieve an invitation on a set date
T-That is in a time I need to priories myself
F-Cared for
A- Suggest another date
A- Make some small plans by myself that feel manageable during that time
A- Make plans for the time in my cycle while I’ll be more up for it
R- Priotise myself

The tricky bit, is feeling overly responsible for organising my partners social calendar, because I know if it’s just the two of us all the time it gets very intense and I feel more connected around more people, but not when i’m the horrors of PMDD and I don’t want to explain myself so strangers. But I feel I am perpetuating the cycle of loneliness

 

Answer:

These are great models. Good idea to do the two unintentional models with the two options around being invited at that set date. There are some other results to consider, see what you think:

For the first unintentional model, R: I don’t see any way that I can love myself then.
For the 2nd unintentional model, R: I compromise myself

What comes up for you as you read those?
For your intentional model, how does it feel? Notice how you came up with other options from this place.

In regards to organising your partner’s social schedule, what do you want to do? What would be reasons that you would want to do the schedule?

It would help to hear about the loneliness to understand how that relates to your social calendar. Feel free to submit more in regards to this.