PMDD & SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Hi there, since Lockdown I have been experiencing suicidal thoughts.
My dad was hospitalised at the beginning of this year & recieved an alzeimers diagnosis & moved into a care home. This all felt like a big shock for me & being 27 I don’t know anyone with this shared experience & have felt extremely isolated & overwhelmed by this experience.

I’ve noticed my suicidal thoughts have become a lot more frequent & severe in nature. They seem to be connected to my cycle & I suspect I have PMDD as they often worsen in pre menstrual & bleed time.

I’m wondering how I can engage with these thoughts in a supportive loving way & also how I can share about them with my partner, friends & family in an empowered way without worrying them so much. I have spoken about it with them but the gotten angry by my partners lack of response.

I really just want these thoughts to go away as they are intrusive & they cause me a lot of suffering & often trigger me into deeper emotional overwhelm.

If your able to offer any tools of how to engage with suicidal thoughts I’d really appreciate that.

With gratitude

 

 

Answer:

First of all, if you (or anyone reading this) is having suicidal thoughts or considering suicide, seeking out professional support from a therapist, psychiatrist, or doctor is ALWAYS the first and most important step. Have you been in touch with a medical professional?If you are in immediate danger of harming yourself, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 or your country’s emergency number.You can find crisis services in your country here https://www.iasp.info/crisis-centres-helplines/You can also text Shout on 85258 (if you are in the UK), the Suicide & Crisis Helpline on 988 (if you are in America)

You mentioned this thought: “I don’t know anyone with this shared experience & have felt extremely isolated & overwhelmed by this experience.” I would encourage you to question it. Unhealthy brains especially feel like no one understands.  Is it true that you are the only 27 year old with a parent with alzheimers? I just did a quick search and found a facebook support group for young adult children of Alzheimer’s/Dementia straightaway. That is the wonderful thing about the internet, you can find support for so many things. Any healthcare professional can also help you with your struggles.

We often want our family and close friends to be our biggest support in tough times. We have a belief and a manual for how they should be there for you. But they often can’t. They are too close to the situation and they don’t have the tools you need.  It’s painful to continue to expect them to be able to do so. If we put it in a model, our expectation of them taking care of our emotions leads to a bigger disconnect. What if you believed that the perfect support was out there for you to help with your suicidal thoughts and managing your dad’s care? You don’t have to do this alone. Try on this model and see what comes up.

C: me

T: The perfect support is waiting for me

F: How would you feel if you believed this?

A: reach out for support, stop expecting my partner/family/friends to do anything differently, what else would you do or not do?

R: I take care of me.