Practicing Support

Hi Coaches,

I’m coming back with an update and reflection on the belief I’ve been working to shift: “I am unsupported as a single parent.”

This came up strongly when I received a form from my son’s kindergarten asking for at least two emergency contacts. The moment I saw that, my brain offered the old familiar thought: “There’s no one else. I’m all alone in this.”

Here’s how that played out in a unintentional model:

C: Received a request from kindergarten to provide at least two emergency contacts.
T: There’s no one else but me.
F: Alone. Isolated. Unsupported.
A: Shut down immediately, didn’t even entertain possible options. Told myself “there’s nobody I can ask.” Wrote only my own name on the form with “no other contacts available.” Hesitated to return the form.
R: Reinforced the belief that I’m unsupported and kept myself stuck in this old story.

But here’s what changed after doing this thought work:

I realized the focus isn’t about finding the perfect emergency contact immediately—it’s about practicing asking. Every ask becomes a step toward building the support system I want. Even if the first ask results in a “no,” I’m still practicing and reinforcing the belief that support is possible.

So here’s the intentional model I’m stepping into:

C: Same—form requesting two emergency contacts.
T: This is an opportunity to practicing asking for support, and I will find someone.
F: Determined and open.
A: Think of one person to ask, reach out without making their answer mean anything about me, and try again if needed.
R: I create evidence that support is available and changing my belief.

I haven’t sent the form back yet, and I plan to ask at least one person this week. Until I can erease the “no other support available” and write a name instead.

I’d love your perspective: Is there anything I’m missing, particularly in the unintentional model and my R lines? And do you have any tips for practicing this kind of asking when it feels especially vulnerable? Like it feels easier to reach out with a message instead of a call – i really don’t want to pressure anyone with a direct ask.

Thank you for walking through this process with me.

Answer:

This is some beautiful self-awareness. Your UM looks thorough and your R line here makes sense. I wonder if your R line in your IM is could look like this: I set the stage for myself to ask for support imperfectly, and challenge my old belief that I am unsupported. How does that land? What do you notice about the difference between the two?

There are many ways to ask – one thing that we fully get behind in this community is that writing things down brings clarity. If you were to create a script for yourself to either say or send via message, how would that support you? Secondly, what kind of self-coaching and care would you need to do for yourself before and after you make this ask? Being courageous rarely feels good – you’re doing a hard, new thing. Let it be imperfect.