Practicing Support – P2

Hi Coaches,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response—especially the gentle reframe of the R line. That really landed.

After sitting with this more and writing out a script (as you suggested), I realized something: when I first submitted this, I genuinely believed the point was just to practice asking. That thought helped me move from feeling stuck to taking action.

But now that I’m actually preparing to ask someone, a much deeper vulnerability has surfaced. It’s not just about how to ask anymore—it’s about who. And that uncovered something painful: the truth that I really do carry this parenting responsibility alone. I can practice asking, yes, but even if I do, the reality is that in a true emergency, no one can fully step in for me. That’s sobering. And scary.

This kindergarten form revealed a fear I’ve quietly carried for a long time. It’s not just a logistical task—it’s an emotional reckoning.

I’ve narrowed it down to three women I could potentially ask. Two are neighbors, and one I know through work. None of them are close friends, but I see them regularly in daily life. Each makes practical sense in some way—but asking still feels incredibly vulnerable.

There’s one woman, though, that I haven’t mentioned yet—a mother I know through my sons daycare. She doesn’t live nearby (she’s in another village), which is why I initially ruled her out. But the truth is: she’s the one I emotionally feel most drawn to. We’re not friends, but I’ve opened up to her before, and for reasons I can’t fully name, I trust her. I feel safe with her.

Which is also why I feel so hesitant to ask her.

Because if she says no—or questions why I even asked—it would probably hurt the most. I’ve realized that the idea of being rejected by someone I instinctively trust feels much more exposing than a “no” from the other three women. This has added a whole new layer to the vulnerability of asking.

I guess this brings up two things I’d love help with:
1. How do I decide who to ask? Do I prioritize emotional trust, practical availability, or likelihood of a yes? Is there a “right” way to approach this kind of decision?
2. How can I support myself if the person I trust the most says no? I know intellectually it doesn’t mean I made a bad judgment—but emotionally, it might still feel like I did.

Here’s the script I drafted, which I’m still considering tweaking depending on who I ask:

⸻

Hi, I hope you’re well. I know this is a bit of an unusual question, and please feel absolutely no pressure—take time to think about it.

My son is starting kindergarten in August, and they’ve asked us to list at least two emergency contacts in case something happens and the parents aren’t reachable. It’s probably unlikely that it would ever be used, but I also understand why the school needs it in place.

Because of my situation, it’s not easy to know who to list—and I think it would be wise if it were someone who lives close by. That’s how I came to think of you. (or with the daycare-mother: and even though we don’t live in the same village, I thought of you—partly because our sons get along so well, and also because I feel like I can trust you, even though we don’t know each other that well.)

Would you be okay with being listed as the second backup contact? Again, no pressure at all—I just wanted to ask.

⸻

I’m still wrestling with how to coach myself before and after making the ask—especially if I choose the person I trust most and she declines. Right now, I’m trying to remember that asking at all is not careless or reckless—it’s responsible. And that I’m not a bad mother for reaching out beyond my immediate circle. This is simply my reality as a single mother. And even if it doesn’t resolve everything, asking is still a powerful act.

Thanks again for walking through this with me.

Answer:

I want to highlight three critical phrases that you wrote:

Asking at all is not careless – it’s responsible.
I’m not a bad mother for reaching out beyond my immediate circle.
Even if it doesn’t resolve everything, asking is still a powerful act.

These are incredibly empowered-sounding ideas. Hold on to these. How can you use them to support you?

Secondly, how does the letter feel to you? If you want help refining it, we can absolutely do that, and there are so many tools on the internet (AI in particular) that, if you feel comfortable using, can be so helpful for refining difficult messages.

When it comes to the self-coaching before and after, try this idea on for size. If the woman who lives in the other village says no, what’s the worst thing that could happen? How would you handle it? Let’s say the best case scenario comes to pass, how would you handle it? What do you notice when you do this exercise?