Pregnancy Loss

I just watched the Finding Peace After Pregnancy Loss webinar because I started miscarrying at seven weeks this past weekend.

When it comes to the extra baggage I am adding to my grief, there are a few things I have already let go of, like trying to control how people respond or who they tell about what happened. I have recognized where shame is showing up and letting it go, and accepting the fact that this happened isn’t something I need to hide or keep a secret.

There is one thought I have, which is that I got pregnant too soon, and I should have given more time to allow the lifestyle changes I was making to improve the quality of my egg follicles before trying to conceive. This felt very factual to me, but after watching the webinar I am questioning whether it’s a useful or helpful thought. Because it suggests that something went wrong, instead of my body going through a healthy natural process, and doing exactly what it needed to do.

I’m wondering how I can let that thought go while still taking good care of my health & prioritizing those lifestyle changes.

 

 

Answer:

We are so very sorry for your loss. In this very fresh grief, the only thing you need to do is take care of yourself. Focus on your basic needs like physically healing, eating and sleeping. Whatever thoughts or feelings you are having, they are ok.

It’s very common to want to blame yourself. After all, in pregnancy we have one job:keep the tiny human alive. When a miscarriage happens it can feel so out of control, our brain immediately wants to make sense of it and we are the easiest target. Guess what? You can blame yourself as long as you want. There is no rush. What if you trusted that when you were ready to let go of these thoughts, you would? Stay present. Let yourself feel and think all of it. What are some kind and compassionate thoughts you could hang on to during this season?

Some of my favourites are: I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.

There’s no wrong way to grieve.

I can’t mess this up.

The only way out is through.

I need to feel it to heal it.

All my griefy thoughts are useful.

We’re here for you. Please bring back any questions you have for more coaching.