Processing emotions

I’d love some advice on processing emotions as I really feel like a toddler learning to walk with this… And I have no idea how I can do this healthily around other people. And I worry I am modelling some really undesirable habits for my children 😬

I think one the the key things is when I am on my own I’m OK. It’s no biggie. I still may not be exemplary at it but it’s a lot better than when I am around people.

When I am experiencing emotions around other people it turns dysfunctional. Embarrassment kicks in and then something completely different happens to me… Eg I get snappy instead of expressing that I am feeling guilty about something or I go into busy-mode instead of showing how happy I am. Don’t even get me started on anger… Anger I really want to be able to process better. I feel it usually rears it’s head because I am over-stretching myself and I feel like I can’t cope. And I sort of lash out…

I’ve heard all about how letting an emotion flow through you can take at most 40seconds and then it’s gone. But how do you actually do this without it affecting someone else when we are around other people? And then I think I get confused with embracing the 40seconds and letting it be there with ruminating and almost keeping it there.

Amy advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

 

 

Answer:

Wrap your arms around yourself and give you a hug. You’re doing the work and the work often feels incredibly awkward at first. It’s clumsy and you spend a lot of time going over what happened after the fact. This is just a step in the process of learning to process. Being compassionate with yourself will help you now and as you continue on being a human with emotions for the rest of your life.

Notice the things you are saying to yourself now:

I have no idea how I can do this healthily around other people.

When I am experiencing emotions around other people it turns dysfunctional.

Thoughts like these will shut things down.

Try a small shift like:

I have no idea how I can do this healthily around other people, YET.

I notice I keep thinking When I am experiencing emotions around other people it turns dysfunctional.

This is a lot less judgemental of you and a lot more open to your thoughts not being just facts in your life.

Processing emotion can look any way you want it to. No one has to know it’s happening. I would encourage you to tap into your inner wisdom and imagine it being easy and natural to allow emotions around others. What would that look like for you?(* the goal isn’t to live like a robot, it’s to be fully human) Bring back any questions you have to AAC.