Today I had to speak briefly in public in a work setting.
speaking in public are the moments my brain is telling me to hide and conserve energy.
I felt nerves rush through my body, felt the panic/dizziness, shaky voice, shallow and irregular breathing, had a red face while talking. I then think that everyone else can notice this and will think I’m not good enough, not good at my job, failing to perform when it matters, that I’m insecure.
(I want to add that I’ve experienced literal collapse and shut down a few occasions in the past and I suspect it’s the fear of this happening again that creates the enhanced nerves state activation.)
It all probably went better than what my brain is telling me. But my brain keeps coming back to judgement for these “scary moments” at the start, even though the rest of the session went totally fine and I contributed multiple times with confidence.
I also notice this happens more when there are expectations of me speaking up and/or scheduled presentations. When it is spontaneous and an in the moment decision to speak in public I’m totally comfortable and confident.
The interesting thing is, once I get going (a couple of minutes in) I tend to enjoy the speaking in public. It so dual…
I struggle finding a stable (neural) pathway that allows me to step out of the fear, accept the fear, not to make it mean anything about my worth and value as a professional. I think I am good at my job, and yet I am so critical to myself on this matter specifically. I also tend to compare and despair, being so perfectionistic and demanding to myself and then overly disappointed with myself, even though looking objectively, the overall performance is/was perfectly fine!
Not quite sure what my exact question is, but I felt like this was the messy imperfect action I wanted to take based on todays experience and the feelings that raised + getting to reach out to Ask A Coach for the 1st time with something, after delaying and debating with myself many times these past months.
Answer:
We are so delighted that you showed up as your messy and imperfect self! Welcome! First of all, good job getting through the presentation. You showed up and did the darn thing! And that’s wonderful.
I love this submission because you are coming to the table with some wonderful awareness of yourself. 1) You tend to feel activated when there are expectations or scheduled presentations. 2) You are comfortable and confident when your public speaking is spontaneous. 3) You tend to enjoy speaking in public after the first few minutes have passed.
This reminds me of a diesel engine. I’m no mechanic, but I know that diesel engines need to heat up before you can turn them on, and even then, they need to warm up before you can put the machine in motion. What if this is how you function…you just need to warm up. It’s an uncomfortable part of your routine right now, but it’s integral to getting to the more comfortable feeling spot. If that were true, how would this change how you think about scheduled presentations or times when you are expected to contribute something?