Quitting alcohol

I would like some advice on my models please. I think they’re most of the way there, but don’t seem quite right yet.

Context – I quit drinking for 8 months when I started taking sertraline for anxiety and PND almost 2 yrs ago now. I felt amazing. I started drinking very lightly again, but have been drinking more the last 6 months as a coping/buffering response to my sister’s 3 week old baby dying. I know I want to quit again, but since realising that I’ve been drinking more and feel like I’m accelerating away from quitting.

Unintentional model:
C: I drink at least half a bottle of wine every night (last 2 months).
T: I want to give up, but not yet, and maybe not really at all.
F: anxious
A: don’t quit / set a date to quit
A: drink more as a ‘last hurrah’
A: buy more booze for home
A: joke about needing a drink a lot
A: tell people I’m thinking about quitting
R: I continue to drink

Intentional model:
C: same
T: I remember how great I felt and how easy it was to stop drinking before / OR the decision doesn’t have to be forever
F: free
A: I stop drinking alcohol
A: stock up on non alcoholic alternatives
A: go to bed earlier
A: spend less money
A: less time social media buffering
R: I stop drinking and feel more well all round

Thinking about the decision-making side of it, yes I have already decided but am delaying why? I think perhaps I want to avoid the discomfort of 1. Wanting a drink 2. My feelings of frustration and inadequacy at the end of a day parenting 3. Being judged by others for not drinking 4. Being judged for failing to quit.

Answer:

I think you need to start this journey by answering the question for yourself, “Why do I want to quit in the first place, and who would I be doing this for?” This is basically an inspection of what you think you’ll get out of making that decision. I saw you mention several reasons why you don’t want to quit, and why you think your drinking has increased recently, but only one vague hint at why you would want to stop (and it’s okay if you don’t actually want to stop – nobody is judging you for that in this space).

I wonder if your C actually needs some tweaking. I would guess that you have different thoughts about the Idea of Quitting (a possible C), and Drinking a 1/2 Bottle of Wine Every Night for 2 Months. Make sure you only have one T in each model…it’s tempting to put more than one T in, especially if they create the same or a similar feeling, but this doesn’t help you with model clarity in the end. I wonder if your T in your UM is actually something more specific, like “I should want to quit drinking.” or something of that nature. That seems to match your feelings, actions and results a little more directly to me, but what do you think? Try implementing these little tweaks and come back to us with what comes up in a follow up submission titled, “Quitting Alcohol pt. 2”

Lastly, give yourself compassion right now – watching a loved one lose a child can be painful in many ways. Go slow. Breathe. You’re safe here. This is a chapter in your book of life. Also, be sure to tune into Amy’s call next week. She is coaching around pregnancy loss, and I can imagine that you will be able to draw a few parallels to your family’s recent loss, and find some support and applicable tools as well.