Reaching out to past friend

Hi,
I’d like coaching on whether I should reach out to a girl I used to be friends with or if I should leave it alone. I don’t have as many female friendships as I’d like in my life at the moment. My work is mostly male dominated, and I’ve been feeling over the past few years a growing urge for more closer female friendships. This friend I used to have as a teenager (10-15 years ago) popped into my head the other day as I remembered us having some real close moments as young adults and how I missed that feeling. However we also shared some difficult times, and there are several incidents and comments from her side that has really hurt me and affected me in my life since the friendship ended. I have even questioned wether me wanting to reach out to her, means that I want to confront the mean/ cool girl and wether she’s been the reasons I’ve had problems creating close female friendships. I’m scared she’ll dismiss me, mock me for messaging her, not respond, say yes but bring up the past and how I might have been to blame for things that happened, and ultimately what I’m scared of is that I am a terrible person and therefore it makes sense I don’t have any female friendship…
Let’s start there. Thank you xxx

 

Answer:

 

We know what you are afraid of about reaching out to her, what are the reasons you want to reach out? Why are you considering this option in the first place? Examine your brain and your reasons and give yourself a good picture about why you would and wouldn’t reach out. What do you like about your reasons? What don’t you like? Notice what writing your reasons out does for you in terms of providing clarity about why you want to reach out. What comes up? Bring it back to us and let’s keep coaching.