Recent thoughts on ex – and how to move forwards meaningfully – part 2

Hi, thank you for your coaching on this! I’ve been thinking a lot about things, and I have realised that ultimately what I want to do is move forwards with my life. When I think back on our relationship, there were lots of great times and love there (which is what I’ve been ruminating on recently). But, there were also a lot of bad times, and more importantly bad behaviour on his side, in terms of his treatment of me – and I think on balance, these mean that I wouldn’t want to be with them. I don’t feel safe with him or trust him anymore, and he hasn’t shown me any evidence that any of that has changed.
I also wonder how much him leaving me with that information about his mental health was meant to punish me, or keep me hooked somehow. It has been awful to be left with that. And I actually feel angry that he did that.
He left me with a bit of a hot potato and I haven’t been able to drop it. But, given all of the above, maybe I can just choose to put it down and move forwards.
Here’s where I get a bit tangled – can I move forwards genuinely without it being linked to a new person? I would like a relationship and I know that there’s a lot of power I could take over my dating life. But, I’m also undergoing intense changes in my career, which I want to prioritise right now.
Is it possible for me to drop the hot potato and close this in my mind, without then dating too? And can you have moved on and be single? (I suspect that it is possible, given that I have dated a ton of people since we broke up and not felt truly over him, so the alternative hasn’t worked!).
Any tips much appreciated.
Many thanks

 

 

Answer:

 

Where can you find evidence of moving on without dating? Get curious about where you’ve seen this modeled and how you know it’s evidence of this possibility. What does this open up for you as you start to investigate this? Where can you identify ways to make this kind of movement in your own life? This is a great opportunity to use ladder thoughts which can help you lean into what is possible for you to start believing. What might some of those ladder thoughts be?