Red flags in dating pt. III

I think the reason I don’t adhere to the warning (my intuition) is that I don’t trust myself fully.
First thing that comes to mind here is that I was praised for not crying (even when I clearly needed to cry) by my parents when I was a child. I can see its effect on me still today where I look to others to judge a situation rather than listening to myself or push through even though it would be best for me to stop and rest for example.

The other thing that comes to mind is that because of past experiences I have developed a fear of men. As a result of that I think that I see warning signs everywhere. This is understandable. And yet I question if those are warning signs that actually refer to this specific person/situation or if they are “only” there because of the past and this person actually is safe. It would probably need the greenest of green flags to not trigger me. Which is maybe not the worst thing to look for, but maybe not very realistic. I’m afraid that all of this will keep me from finding love or that I will overlook or reject people that are actually good and could be right for me (which seems risky because in my head there are so so few of them).

Lastly, I notice that I tell myself that I shouldn’t be afraid. Which is just another version of “don’t cry when you need to cry”. Not doing that anymore, so now I am going to go feel my fear AND cry. Ha!

Thanks for your coaching!

 

 

Answer:

So many good insights! Feeling fear and crying are two amazing things. What a gift to be able to be a human and experience it. Let me offer you one more thing: everything will happen as it should. There is no other way. If you overlook someone, that’s ok. They weren’t for you in that moment. Really do some exploring and lean in to letting go of all resistance. Resistance is suffering, Including resisting the part of you that currently sees warning signs everywhere. What would it be like if you could take it from being understandable to radical self acceptance?