Reframing heartbreak – 30 day goal pt 3

OK, this feels like a plan:

1) Confidence comes from failing and learning and having successes
I’m crushed by failures – not necessarily where things didn’t go how I hoped, because that’s just life, but where I’ve been wrong in someway or made a mistake or even might have made a mistake, becasue it was probably me.
These are like fresh wounds everytime.
If things are outwardly going well, then I can weather the storm. If not, my whole worth is destroyed by even small hiccups.
I feel a little bit excited to explore this more. What’s the best way? Without it being a horrible list of fails. Or maybe I create a list of fails and let them be OK. I get giddy trying to think through this!

2) hard day protocol
Love this.
If I’m rejected or criticised because of something I’ve done, I’ll likely feel absolutely no good in any aspect of my life. I will blame myself even if the fault wasn’t really with me. I will feel hopeless.

I will also try to remind myself that I’m allowed to make mistakes or change my mind, though that doesn’t sit easily. I’ll try to make sure I eat properly. I’ll ask for support from family and friends. I’ll come up with one thing I can do that feels nurturing (like painting my toenails). Or more recently going home to work there rather than stay in the office trying not to cry. I’ll also get on and deal with the problem and mostly sort it out.

3) courage
I have lots of this. I’ve always been shy and find lots of things hard. But I don’t want to hide away. I’ve spent lots of life suppressing feelings and being half alive. It is no fun at all. Perhaps acceptance – that life will be hard. I’ll get things wrong and struggle. . . forever . . Which I suppose is your point. Not sure how I accept that. I keep hoping it will change.

 

Answer:

 

There are so many good threads in this submission that we can follow up on, and I want to focus my response right now on making mistakes and capitalize on your excitement to explore this.

First of all, why do you feel excited to explore this (part of me wonders how it might relate to being courageous…they can feel very similar!)? In what ways is it possible that making mistakes could be in line with your values?

Secondly, let’s keep going with how to honor making mistakes. You mentioned making a list. Another thought is to have a mistake jar. Step one is to decide how you’ll celebrate when the jar is full. Step two is to decide what you’ll put in the jar when you make a mistake (a piece of paper, a marble, chocolates, etc.). Every time you make a mistake, put your container filler of choice in it. When the jar is full – you get to celebrate all of your mistake making because of some of the reasons you’ve outlined above! What do you think?