It’s taken me a while to reply to this, partly because the feedback was so on point it left me stunned and partly because (I realise) I wanted a complete and perfect reply.
Why am I excited to explore making mistakes (feels a bit like being courageous?) and how does it align with my values.
I couldn’t believe how on point this was. Making mistakes runs alongside risk taking and exploring boundaries. Even something as simple as buying a surprise Christmas present you hope will delight someone . . Comes with the risk of it missing the mark. Present choosing can be quite stressful if you don’t play it safe and get a list or buy something they already have. Which comes onto not playing it safe. All of my art training was about pushing boundaries – playing it constantly unsafe in terms of approach/materials/outcome. And the trade off is uncertainty and failure. But wow, the gem of finding something magical and unexpected is worth it. I have such an emotional response to this – it’s freedom in it’s rawest form. I used to like getting lost for the same reason – you stumble upon something new, end up in a familiar place but it feels new becasue suddenly you’re there and you hardly recognise it. I’m sure there are more reasons, for example I’d challenge whether there is a “right”and “wrong” way of doing most things, only conventions. The Japanese philosophy of Kintsugi which celebrates imperfection.
Some mistakes are also funny. Like putting a meeting in for 12am instead of 12pm. I’d lost sight of all of this in trying to catch up and become successful.
So, I have a beautiful old fashioned sweet jar on my bookshelf to fill with apple and kiwi and rhubarb boiled sweets everytime I make a mistake.
When my sweet jar is full, I will invest in a good quality winter coat. It might be spring by the time I get there, but I’ve been thinking of doing this for a while, so Im going to stick with it and wear my mistakes forevermore.
Yesterday was a big day, I put three sweets in, (day 15, always a tough day) but mostly I’m surprised how infrequently I do! Putting a sweet in a jar for a clearly defined mistake takes out the drama – no historical mistakes are allowed, only fresh ones! It’s much better than a list which doesn’t signal the same boundaries – one sweet, one mistake. I’m not as mistake prone as I thought.
It still doesn’t feel good most of the time. I’d rather be someone who is conventionally successful with all the social affirmation that comes with that. It isn’t very helpful. I’ve more work to do!
Answer:
Something I notice that is very powerful is how you’ve taken the drama out of the mistakes. What a huge win! Sometimes it’s harder to notice the absence of thoughts and feelings, so be sure to count that as a win. You are actively in the process of reframing, and that can be uncomfortable, keep going. What do you think would be most supportive to you at this time? Where do you want to go next?
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