Reframing heartbreak – pt 3

So the question is, how does it feel in your body to say, “I don’t want to feel this, but…”?
I also love to advocate for exchanging ‘but’ with ‘and’. Try this out real time and let us know how it works for you.

C. Use the technique “I don’t want to feel this, but…”?
T. I’m facing difficult emotion
F. Anxiety
S. Handgrip around heart, stomach churns, rising anxiety, white noise
A. Shut down
R. Emotion isn’t honoured

C. Use technique ‘I don’t want to feel this and’
T. I’m trying my best to allow difficult emotion
F. Whoosh of sadness
S. Cries
A. Some release but then shutdown
R. Feeling is about facing the emotion not the emotion itself

It’s too complicated and loaded . . “Whatever I am feeling is allowed”
Podcast 94 on emotions takeaways- don’t be in a rush to get rid of feelings. Be comfortable with them. This might be my best approach.
And
– other people will tell you to stop feeling – YES they do – surprised to realise how much this is my experience now and how far I take these views on board.

 

Answer:

We’re celebrating you opening up to feeling. It’s very uncomfortable at first but think of it as a practice you will continue with throughout your life. The more you allow for it and let yourself experiment with what works for you, the easier and more natural it will all feel.

Really interesting to notice the difference between handgrip and release.  How long did you feel the sadness do you think? Aim for 90 seconds of letting yourself be sad. When you notice anxiety coming up, check in and see if it’s actually the fear of feeling sad, and tehn practive allowing that whoosh and release.

You’re right on about how people have a lot of opinions and beliefs about how we should feel.  You get to decide which ones work for you and throw the rest away.