Reframing – part 6

1) what does reframing look like? How long should it take? You get to decide. Answer your own questions.

Well. This one was hard. I had so much resistance to all of the points raised and I stropped a bit.

IM
C. Reframe making mistakes with a mistakes jar
T. Mistakes will stop being a problem now
F. Excited
S. Elation, lightness
A. Put sweets in jar as required
R. Am fine with making mistakes, I don’t make them mean anything

Reframing should be easy if I get to decide it, right? And then it’s done and successful life flows. .
I had loads of ideas for art I could create around reframing but didn’t because of blah blah and I was miserable. And they were all expressions of being wrong and messy.
What I did instead was rework my journal and anything moany, I coloured in, or doodled over or cut out. And so there it is. Resistance to accepting moany and messy and plain wrong.

And so I went here:

C. Reframe making mistakes with a mistakes jar
T. I shouldn’t feel bad about making mistakes
F. Despair
S. Tense body
A. Put sweets in jar as required
R. Felt extra rubbish around making mistakes

I answered my own question in the last submission I now realise, because I wondered if it was a process each time – it’s not ever done as such.

I can really feel my patterns ot behaviour and thinking – and how much safety there is in staying familiar. I’ve never fully believed that before. This time in my life is the most vulnerable I have ever felt, so I can see how continuing to strive for perfection feels safe – because I’m trying to conform and be acceptable. I don’t personally mind that much if things don’t always go to plan- mostly it isn’t a problem. Sometimes what you get instead is better.
But when people tell me I’m bad – and unrealistic and a bit of a dreamer – and they do -I can’t handle it, even when realistically I know that on balance people say more nice things to me than negative ones.

Is there a third model on mistakes and a fresh one on rejection? What’s the most efficient route now?

 

 

Answer:

 

There can be as many models as you want to create – and it sounds like resilience to the thoughts of others is a worthwhile direction to go modeling in.

That being said, I’m actually more curious about your realization about the pattern you identified. In what ways is striving for perfection actually creating a sense of safety for you? In what ways is it feeding the model in which despair plays a starring role?