Reframing relationship with friend after feeling excluded

Hi,
I’m feeling resentful towards a friend of mine currently. I’ve known her for a long time since moving to london and have always been very generous with inviting her to social events and mixing my friends with hers. That’s not just with her, that’s how I like to approach friendship in general. I try to be inclusive and make people feel welcome.
She’s very different, doesn’t mix friends at all and is less sociable. So it’s never something that is reciprocated. I do try to accept this about her. Until recently, as several friends I introduced her to, she’s now closer to than I am with them. And they’ve been doing things socially where they don’t invite me, which has left me feeling quite excluded after finding out.
I don’t think I have a right to feel that way logically, but it still hurts. It’s also true that I could be closer to those other people if I’d wanted to, but we’ve changed so much since uni and I’m just less close / have less in common. But it still hurts to feel excluded and I resent her for taking and taking, never giving, then excluding (completely my own narrative ha!)
Any tips on reframing this relationship? Because I don’t want to stop being who i am – I like the fact I’m generous and inclusive with this sort of thing – and I understand that she is who she is too.
Many thanks

 

Answer:

 

Get curious about your relationship to this feeling of hurt and exclusion. Do you want to work on this so you don’t feel that way anymore, or for a different reason? Why don’t you have a right to feel that way? What if you gave yourself permission to feel hurt and excluded, while still loving being who you are?

There are a million ways to do thought work around this, and it’s okay to let yourself feel something painful before trying to thought work your way out of, or around it.